He's about to lose me
by annieSL
Summary: Kensi has been in a relationship with Jack for a few years. However now with Deeks in her life things got a little complicated. She found herself caught between them, but what should she do?
1. 1 - Happy Birthday

**Happy Birthday**

**January 8****th**** 2013**

"C'mon, Kens…we are going to have so much fun."

"I don't know, Nell. I shouldn't…"

"Kensi, you deserve to have a little fun. Plus it's Deeks' birthday. The whole team is going out. Hetty even booked the restaurant and then we're going to this new club people say it's awesome."

"I don't know."

"Jack will understand. You are coming with us and there's no more talking." And with that Nell turned her back and walked to OPS.

She wasn't sure Jack would understand. He didn't like to be left alone at home. Her life for the past few years had become some kind of a prison – not that she would ever admit it – Jack needed her almost all of her time. Sure his PSTD got a little better and he was under medication and for that reason she was able to start working again. But he still wouldn't dare leaving the house to go to a restaurant, how much to a club. She did miss those kinds of things: going out on dates, walking hand in hand on the beach without the fear of an ambulance sound that could trigger some kind of defensive behaviour from him, meeting new places and new people, clubbing. Her nights were usually spent by his side: watching trash TV, trying to block all of the thoughts of a better life without him…well, it's not that she didn't love him anymore. She did and after all that time, she couldn't picture her life without him. She just wished he was the same Jack she used to know.

She was sitting by her desk, staring at her partner's empty chair. "Where is he anyways?" she thought. Things got worse when he came into the picture. He was so much fun to be around – again, something that she would never admit – always laughing and joking…so different from Jack. It was his birthday today and the team was going out to celebrate. His entrance into the team wasn't an easy one, but they started to appreciate his work and accept the fact that he was a good detective. Actually, he was more than that: he was a friend and the only person who could make her smile on a bad day. The fact that his presence usually gave her the feeling of butterflies on her stomach, usually made her blush, the jokes he used to make and the chemistry they shared were some of the reasons that made her back off a little. And for the past few months she distanced from him on a personal level. No more late nights at the office doing paperwork and eating take way, no more jogging together by the beach in the morning, no more texting while watching Reality TV shows.

But today was his birthday and he was a good partner after all. All she needed to do next was to call Jack and tell him about the party and even try and ask him to come too.

…

Deeks had been training at the gym all morning. They didn't have a case to work on yet and he was determined to avoid the paperwork sitting on his desk. It was his birthday today and he had been a LAPD liaison for NCIS for the past three years. He really liked it here and even though sometimes his colleges gave him a hard time, he couldn't be happier. He felt that the connection between him and Kensi was growing stronger and he even started ignoring Sam's jokes about the way he looked. But Kensi…Kensi…well, he wasn't sure what to do about it. Could it be love? Sure it wasn't lust. He just enjoyed spending time with her and if it wasn't for her damn boyfriend…

He had to keep it cool as he realized his punches at the punching bag were getting stronger and out of control.

He took a deep breath and made his way out of the gym to get a shower. Taking a sip of water from a bottle he heard a desperate voice down the hall. Kensi…

"No, please…try to understand my position. He is my partner and my friend and nothing more." She was desperately trying not to cry "Jack, it's not a date…it's his birthday and everyone is coming. I'm calling to invite you too. It's going to be fun…Jack, calm down, please. Look I have to go now, but forget what I said. I'll be home at five. Ok?! Bye."

It was the same thing every damn time. She would always choose him, run to him. She wasn't happy in that relationship and he knew it. But this time he was going to fight.

"Hi partner!" he said in a happy voice.

"Oh, hello Deeks" she heard his voice and turned around to face him wondering if he was listening to the conversation "Happy birthday!"

"Thank you. So are you coming to the party later?"

"I'm sorry but…I can't"

"You can't? Do you have other plans for tonight?"

"Hum…Deeks, you know things are complicated."

"I understand, Kensi. I just thought…" he stepped closer to her "I just thought you and I were getting along very well. I thought…"

"And we are getting along very well; you're my partner…my friend." She couldn't deny that feeling that proximity between them was starting to make her nervous. He looked so hot in his training equipment, she thought.

"Then you should come. Kensi, look at me, please." She couldn't even face him and he could feel the tension.

"Deeks, you know how hard I fight everyday so that things get back to normal."

"Funny, 'cause I've never seen you in a so called 'normal state'. You're always worried, always calling him to see if he's ok, always putting your life on hold for him, always him…it's always about him."

"What should I do, please tell me?! Oh wait…you can't, 'cause you're not the one having to put your whole damn life on hold for this…" she stopped talking. She almost said something she didn't meant. Jack wasn't a rock on her shoe. What was she saying?

"So you admit it!" He said, making her face the truth.

"I love him…It's what I have to do." She looked down the corridor and saw some people staring. They were almost shouting. "And besides, this is neither the place nor the time to talk about this."

"Fine" He said and grabbed her hand, pushing her inside the men's locker room.

"Hey, let me go…Deeks, I'm serious."

As they entered, the room seemed empty. "We're alone in here. Perhaps this is a better place to talk."

"Seriously?" She didn't want to talk at all. Not here, not now, not ever.

"Why do I have the feeling that you are pushing me away? Why do you do it, Kensi? For the past few months I could feel the distance growing deeper and deeper between us. I never said a word even thought I missed our little moments. I miss you, Kensi. We work together, but that's it…It's like we've became strangers and for no reason apparently." He could feel the words coming out of his mouth and he wasn't doing any effort to stop them. "I understand that you have a history with this guy, but enough is enough."

"And who the hell are you to tell me that?"

"It's like he's the boss of you"

"Hey, don't say that." She was fulminating at this point. "Jack is a sweet, caring, loving man, who went through hell and back. You don't deserve to talk about him in those terms. I love Jack…I do what I do out of love."

"All right, then. But why do I see sadness in your eyes? Sometimes I wonder if you've been crying when you come in the morning with red eyes." He stepped closer to her, facing her face to face. "Maybe you do cry…a lot more than you deserve to. Look, I care about you, Kens. More than you can think." He touched her face, putting a lock of her hair behind an ear. "But you love him, right? You should do what's best for him."

They could feel the tension in the air.

She was about to say something when they heard the door opening. "Deeks, are you in here?" Eric entered the room and they quickly separated. "Oh, hi Kensi. I didn't mean to interrupt, sorry. It's just that Hetty wants you in OPS."

As soon as Kensi heard it, she left the room leaving Deeks and Eric behind.

"Are you guys alright?" Eric asked in astonishment.

"Yeah, we are. Don't worry about it. Give me ten minutes and I'll be there."


	2. 2 - 21 Guns

**21 Guns**

"Kensi, are you ok?" a voice that seemed so far away awoke her from her daydreams. "Kensi!"

"Jack, I'm fine. You don't have to yell." She said, changing her position by sitting on the couch.

"Well, I've been talking to you from the kitchen for the past ten minutes and you didn't respond. At first I thought that you were sleeping, but then I found you staring blankly at the TV and you scared me."

"I'm fine. I was thinking about my day…that's all."

"Tough case?"

"Sort of, but let's not talk about it. What were you saying before?"

"That I am hungry. It's almost eight…maybe we should order some dinner."

"Dinner?" Yes, she was daydreaming about dinner. However, in her dreams it did not include Jack. She was thinking about Deeks and his birthday party. It was almost eight, which meant she had spent the last three hours trying to decide whether to go or not. "Hum, Jack, can you please seat down for a moment and just…"

"What is it?" he asked, taking her hand while sitting next to her.

"I've been thinking and…well, I've decided to go to Deeks' birthday party."

"You what?"

"Look, it's going to be fun. We can go, eat something and come back. No clubbing, just dinner. It's going to be good for us."

Jack quickly stood up from the couch and put both hands around his head. "Why do you insist on these things? You know I can't…I can't"

"Jack, we will be together. We can do this. It's just dinner at a nice restaurant downtown. Hetty booked everything, they're waiting for us."

"But you told me to forget about it. I'm not going."

"Jack, please. Do this for us!"

"No, no. And do you know why?" he was now staring at her right in the eyes. "Because this is about you and that guy. Not about us!"

"What are you saying? There is nothing between me and Deeks. He's my partner!"

"Just your partner? Don't you think I know about the late night dates and the early morning jogs, the texting, the talking on the phone before you go to sleep?"

"The calls are about work." Not really, she thought. "Why are you making a scene?"

"I'm not. You've decided to go, go. I'm staying."

"Jack, please."

"You know what Kensi? Go, but don't expect me to be happy about it. You promised me that you would stay by my side, help me through this, love me unconditionally. You have chanced so much. It's like I don't even know you anymore. Go, put on a skanky dress and leave me alone."

"Why do you always have to make me feel like I'm the worst person on earth?" And with tears in her eyes she got up from the couch and walked to the bedroom.

…

Deeks was feeling like a million dollars in his brand new Armani suit. Entering the restaurant and seeing his team mates around the table, greeting him with a smile, made him realize that finally there were people who cared about him. But someone was missing: Kensi.

"Looking good, Deeks!"

"Thanks, Sam. It's Armani."

"I can tell…I can also tell that that suit was hanging on the dressing room this morning. Are you sure Hetty knows about this?"

"Yes, Deeks." Said Callen, coming from behind his partner to give Deeks a handshake. "Sneaking around suits from Hetty is not a good idea."

"Hum…Don't worry about it. As long as I don't ruin it tonight, it will be on the same hanger Sam just mentioned by tomorrow."

"By the way, where is Hetty?" Callen asked.

"She said she wouldn't be able to come, but dinner was on her and to quote, as 'my present to Mr Deeks'" Nell responded, looking down at the cellphone on her hand.

Deeks got closer to her and asked to her ears only "Do you know if Kensi's coming?"

"I'm trying to contact her, but so far she hasn't responded to any of my texts or calls. So, to be fair…I really don't know."

"Well, maybe we should start sitting and choosing what to eat."

It was a round table placed for six and everyone knew that the empty seat belonged to Kensi. Nell quickly took place next to Deeks, but as they were about to take their seats, a beautiful brunette in a short purple dress, with her hair tied in a messy ballerina bun made her way to their table.

"Guys, why don't we make space for…" Nell started to say, but it was Deeks who finished her sentence.

"Kensi"

"Hey, guys…sorry I'm late. But I got lost in time and then when I realized I had to leave the house, the traffic was awful…"

"But you're here. That's all it matters." Deeks said, smiling from ear to ear.

"Sit here" Nell said, breaking the momentary silence that suddenly fell in the air. "I was going to save it for you."

"Thanks." Kensi said as they all finally took their seats.

"How's Jack?"

"Hum, he's fine. So, what's good in here?" she answered, looking at the menu, trying to change the conversation.

…

The dinner went by softly, with light mood conversations and some jokes.

"Guys, I'm going to the ladies room, if you excuse me." Kensi informed and made her way. It was time to hit the club and after that amazing dinner with her friends, there was nothing she would rather do than celebrate with them for the rest of the night. But there was something on her mind: Jack! She spend the night texting him with no response. She was going to try to call him, but she knew he was probably too hurt to answer. As the phoned rang her heart broke a little more. How could she even consider going out without him. He was suffering and she was being selfish.

"Hey, Kens!" It was Nell.

"Hey!"

"Are you alright?"

"Hum…yes! I mean I don't know. Before I left, Jack and I got into a little fight. He's hurt that I came, I can tell. He's not answering any of my calls or texts. I should probably head home."

"Look, Kens…I understand that you care about him, but you've spent the last few years at home with him. You're a good girlfriend. I'm sure tomorrow when you guys talk, everything will be fine."

"I don't know Nell…What if he leaves? It happened before. He left me before because he was hurt with me. I didn't hear from him for a week…"

"But he came back for you, didn't he?" Nell came closer to her friend and gave her a hug. "Kensi, have fun tonight. Sam and Callen won't be coming to the club, but Eric and I will…and Deeks too." She mentioned his name in a singing voice. It was obvious that she knew what Kensi was going through: caught between two guys wasn't an easy task. "I know things are complicated with his PSTD, but Jack is big boy. I'm sure he can handle it."

"Hum…"

"Pretty please!" Nell begged with a caring voice and puppy eyes.

"Fine!"

…

**Authors note:**

Hey guys, hope you're enjoying the story.

Sorry for any mistakes or misspelling you might find, but English is not my first language. Corrections are welcome.

Here's the link to 21 guns, by Green Day:

watch?v=r00ikilDxW4

I guess I chose this song as inspiration for this chapter because of what I think Jack has been through. Let's not forget that being at a war situation can bring a lot of despair, angry feelings and fear.

I'm not trying to portray Jack as a bad guy, but I think he has so many issues to deal with because of his PSTD, that he becomes more possessive over Kensi, since she's the only thing that's keeping him going. The fear of losing her to another guy (Deeks) must be terrifying for him.

Well, keep on reading…


	3. 3 - He about to lose me

**Authors note:**

The song that inspired it all: He about to lose me, by Britney Spears:

watch?v=LvkGslIP3vo

Enjoy this chapter.

**He about to lose me**

The club was down the street from the restaurant so they walked there. It was really the first time that night that Kensi and Deeks got a chance to talk without being interrupted, since Eric and Nell were walking some steps ahead them.

"You look beautiful tonight!"

"Thanks, Deeks." She blushed from his compliment. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"I'm so glad you could come. I honestly thought that you were mad at me because of what I said this morning."

"I'm not mad." She confessed. "I was a little bit angry, maybe even a little hurt."

"You didn't direct me a single nice world today."

"We were working, so…"

"It never stopped you before."

"Well, let's put it behind us, ok?"

"Ok!"

"And I'm sorry." She continued.

"Sorry about what?"

"For treating you the way I've treated you for the past weeks."

"What do you mean?"

"You are my friend…my best friend." He smiled at those words. "I shouldn't have left you out."

"You did back off a little."

"It's just that life is so confusing. We might be caught in feelings that are not completely real. We might confuse friendship with…"

"I know how you feel. But trust me when I say that I'm ready when you're ready!"

"What if I'll never be?"

"Then we'll have to figure it out."

"I wish things could be simple."

"I guess they can be."

She wondered if he was saying what she thought he was saying. Talking in code could have more than one meaning. Could he be saying that they could be together? Could he be saying that he had feelings for her?

They walked side by side for a few more minutes, when the loud music from the club broke the silence and her mind came back to earth.

Without caring about the line to get in, they made their way to the door, where the security guy asked if they were on the list. Obviously they were: "Deeks and his connections", Kensi thought to herself.

The club was bombing with good music, laser lights and a huge dance floor.

"Hey guys, do you want anything to drink?" Eric asked.

"I want a Mojito." Kensi said.

"Make it two." Deeks replied.

"I'll go with you." Nell answered and headed to the bar with Eric, leaving Deeks and Kensi alone.

"We should probably find a place to seat!" Deeks said.

"I don't think we'll be able to. Look at this place. It's crowed."

"Well, it's the hottest spot in town!"

"Perhaps we should just dance."

"If that's what you want to do, I'm good with it!"

It has been a long time since Kensi got into a night club without being working and she was really feeling the music in her body. The drinks came in no time and she was feeling lose.

She was dancing next to Nell when she saw Deeks' blue eyes staring at her from the bar. 'He was so handsome', she thought; and even tough there was a large number of other girls checking him out, she was happy that his eyes were caught on her.

She continued to dance like there was no tomorrow and even the thought of Jack being home alone didn't cross her mind. Maybe the drinks were having a tool on her… more than she expected.

Then suddenly she felt a soft touch on her arm; turning around she found Deeks' eyes so close to hers. They weren't dancing; they just stood together under the lights in the middle of the dancer floor and without a warning Kensi felt her heart beat race as they held hands for a moment longer. She wanted to kiss him right on the lips, feel the passion her body was asking for. She wouldn't dare…she couldn't. However, his eyes were so captivating and his body scent made her feel desperate for his touch. She couldn't fight their chemistry or the desire that came upon her to feel his taste.

He was now touching her waist, as they got closer together to the pace of the music. There was no one around them; the world was theirs for that sweet moment. So close, but yet so far away. The only way to feel complete was to have her in his arms right now. The tension was in the air as he could feel his body shaking from desire to kiss her. But all of a sudden, she backed off and freeing herself from his arms, she ran.

He didn't understand what was going on; the only reaction possible was to run after her. But where was she? He couldn't find her since she immersed into the crowd. He lost her.

Kensi ran outside as fast as she could. Checking behind her, she saw no signs of Deeks.

What was she doing? She had Jack at home, she couldn't be so weak to let that happen…but then she felt it and it made her want to cry: Jack was about to lose her.

In the safety of her car she broke down in tears. She hasn't felt that way in so long that it made her question if she was falling in love with her partner. How could one person be with someone whom she cared about, but be in love with another? How could she be so selfish and let her feelings take over her heart, her life? Yes, life. She had a life with Jack and there was no turning around from that. She made him a promise that she would stick with him until the end.

But the truth was that she didn't feel wanted anymore: She and Jack didn't share loving kisses, long nights of love making, tenderly cuddling or even secrets. There was a deep ditch in their relationship and as much as she tried to work things out, she felt lonely most of the time.

Even though she had been drinking and should probably not be driving, she needed to get home.


	4. 4 - Love the way you lie

**RATED M for strong language.**

**Love the way you lie**

As Kensi drove slowly down the streets of Los Angeles flashbacks haunted her thoughts once again. Memories of Jack and their first date came into her mind, the first kiss they shared, the first time they made love. All the kind and sweet words he used to say to her, all of the good times they spend together.

They used to be so young and in love, long before war, long before his condition, long before their lives fell apart.

He reminded her so much of her father, so gentle, so kind, so handsome.

Now, he is a shadow of what he used to be and she missed the old Jack.

Her phone was ringing non stop. It was probably Nell trying to find out where she was. But she was driving, she couldn't answer. And then she thought about Deeks, the bright, funny man, who took her breath away not even twenty minutes ago. She needed to get him off of her system and refocus in Jack.

She parked her car in the driveway in front of her house. All the lights were off, no sound from the inside, not even a sign of human live. But then she opened the door and saw the most devastating scenery: in the living room papers were on the floor, table lamps broken, the coffee table was turned upside down. She quickly moved into the bedroom, but there was nobody in there.

"JACK!" She yelled, moving from room to room. In the kitchen table, bottles of alcohol stood empty and her now broken computer was on the floor. "JACK, WHERE ARE YOU?" She continued hopelessly yelling.

The door that led to the backyard opened up, showing a black figure against de dark night. "So how was your night?"

"Jack, are you alright? What happened in here?"

"Not much…I'm fine!"

She stepped closer to him and smelled the alcohol in his breath. "You're drunk. Jack you know you can't mix your medication with alcohol!"

"Shut up, just shut up! You can't tell me what to do!"

"I'm not…the doctors, remember what they said…you can't." She was now able to see his eyes, fuelled with anger they were almost red.

"I hate you, I hate you so much!"

"Don't say that, I know you don't mean it." She felt scared. Usually he wasn't aggressive when they fought, but he had been drinking.

"Aren't you Miss always knows it all!" He came closer to her, facing her now completely. The shadows of the night were the only things lighting up the room, nothing else. "I've been so stupid. You've been fucking that guy, haven't you?"

"No, no…There's nothing between us. I love you, Jack."

"Shut up, SHUT UP!" He yelled. "You're nothing but a fucking whore."

"Calm down, please." She begged. "Let's get some rest, I can clean this tomorrow. We can talk in the morning and everything will be ok."

"Do you really think I'm letting this go? You've been cheating on me, making me feel like a fucking fool. And even if it was with someone better…but that guy? What does he have that I don't? He's a piece of shit."

"There's nothing, nothing…"

"Shut up, I told you to shut up." He was being more aggressive now. "Son of a bitch, I'm gonna kill him and then…" He said showing the gun he'd been holding in his hand for the whole time. "Then I'm gonna kill you."

In a defensive gesture Kensi tried to block him with her body, while trying to grab the gun on his hand. However, he was stronger than her and pushed her against the wall without a struggle. She fell on her knees from the impact, but got up quickly as he made his way to the front door. "JACK, listen to me…" She begged once again, grabbing his arm. With a sudden movement he punched her in the face, she trembled in pain. He was stronger and out of control, drunk from his hate.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" He warned her, pointing the gun at her. "Or I'll kill you first!"

But she was not giving up. And even thought he was stronger than her, he was drunk and so his movements were not as coordinated, she just needed to find the right timing to counterattack.

"Ok, ok…easy!" she tried to calm him down.

"I opened your computer…I saw evidence that you two are together: Emails planning future holydays, happy photographs of you both with a stupid dog on the beach…I saw it all and I hate you, Kensi." He was still pointing the gun at her as she held both hands in the air. "You don't deserve to live; you took me for a fool." The familiar sound of a trigger being pulled made her close her eyes. He was going to shoot her. It was her end. In a second all sorts of flashbacks ran through her mind, including the first time she met Deeks. If only she could warn him of what was to come in his way! But she couldn't, she was about to die.

...

**Authors note:**

First of all I want to thank everyone for the amazing reviews, follows and favorites. I appreciate it so much.

I really hope that you're enjoying reading the story. Again, I'm not trying to make Jack the bad guy and soon you'll understand that in my point of view he can be sweet and loving too.

For this chapter I was inspired by the song I love the way you lie, by Eminem. Listen to it, if you can, to get the feeling of tension in this scene.

Also, I'm really sorry if you find any mistakes, but English is not my first language. Any corrections are welcome.

More chapters coming soon…


	5. 5 - Love the way you lie, part 2

**Love the way you lie - part 2**

Finally the sound of a gunshot echoed on the walls of the house. She wasn't dead.

Opening up her eyes she saw him pointing the gun to an old photo of them hugging each other. It was destroyed. Then he pointed the gun again to another photo of them that was sitting next to the TV and shot it too. She needed to react now. Grabbing a light stand that was down on the floor, she repositioned. It was dark inside the house because the only light available was from the night sky coming through the windows of the living room. Jack didn't see her move as he stumbled on a pillow thrown on the floor. Holding the light stand tightly on her hand, she hit him on the back of his head, making him fall unconscious next to the flipped coffee table.

She quickly took off the gun from his sight, taking a deep breath of relief. It was over for now.

She proceeded to lock herself in their empty bedroom. Feeling the tears forming inside her eyes, she didn't fight them anymore and cried, sitting on the bedroom floor against the bed.

It wasn't the first this happened. He used to get violent when drunk.

When it happened the first time, he apologised, promising her that that was not going to happen ever again. She didn't blame him for that incident; the medication was still beginning to show its effects and the memories of war were still very present on his mind.

The second time it happened she locked herself up in that same bedroom, hearing his screams for forgiveness from the other side of the door. Nevertheless, she forgave him.

This was the third time it happened. She knew he was jealous of her growing relationship with Deeks, but she never thought he would doubt her that much to go through her stuff. Those emails he talked about were just fantasies of things like a white Christmas down at Lake Tahoe or even a road trip in Europe, but not much else. Fantasies that would probably never come true. She was feeling so guilty. It was her fault that this happened; she should have never gone out.

Once again she heard the sound of her cellphone ring inside her purse, which was lying on the bed. It was Nell calling.

Sending a quick text message saying that everything was fine she turned off her cellphone.

The last thing she remembered from that night was that she cried herself to sleep.

…

The sun started to shine around seven in the morning. Steps and groans from the living room woke her up from her light sleep. She prepared herself to face him and so she took off the dress from last night and changed into her jogging equipment. Then, taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

The living room was as bad as the night before or if not even worse. The light of day made her realize the aggression on his actions, the hate that destroyed more than just pictures, but memories.

He was in the kitchen searching in the cabinets for what she thought was aspirin. He must have felt her presence, because he turned around to face her. With a small and apologetic smile on his lips he let out a simple "Hey."

"Aspirin is in the first drawer, if that's what you're looking for."

"Hum, yeah…thanks!" He didn't care to look any further and took a few steps closer to her. "Baby, I'm so, so sorry about last night. You know I didn't mean it…any of it! The alcohol did it all…I'm sorry."

"I know, but excuses won't take it back. They won't take back what you said to me, what you did to me, they won't take back any of the bruises I have right now." Her lip was cup from the punch and her cheek was a little swollen. She looked at him and saw the tears falling from his eyes.

"Kensi…" He said, kneeling by her feet. "I'm sorry, baby. I was nervous about you going out and about not being able to be a true man to you. Then I opened up a bottle of vodka and…things got out of control." He was really crying now. "I don't even remember what I did last night. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He kept saying while grabbing tightly to her legs.

"Like I said before, Jack, your sorry won't take back what I've been through last night." She was shaking by the weight he was putting on her legs and when she felt like falling down, she grabbed his hands and set herself free. "I've never been more insulted in my life. You called me things that I'd rather not remember."

"Kensi, please wait. Let me make it all right again!" He begged, following her to the living room.

"Make it all right again, huh!" She didn't know what to do, but forgiving him was what her heart was saying. "Did you take a look at this place? You made this mess. You shot pictures…you were about to shoot me!"

"Never, baby. I would never hurt you."

"Look, you were so out of control that you even broke my computer."

"I swear to you that I don't remember anything."

"Well, you should. Because this happened before, if you don't recall." He sat on the couch, probably being filled by memories. "You hit me twice in the past. I understand that it's not your fault that sometimes you're a little moody or without any desire to leave the house or even talk to me. Yeah, sometimes you spend days without having a real conversation with me. I don't know what else to do. I give you all my love, my time…hell, my life."

"I can't control how I feel."

"But you can control your actions. You get violent when you drink."

"I know, but you were out and this little voice inside my head kept telling that you and your partner…"

"Nothing happened between me and him."

"I know…I'm fool!" He put his head between his legs with his arms on top of it and she heard soft sobs. He was crying again and that broke her heart. How can he turn from a monster into a sweet guy in no time? She couldn't help feeling bad for seeing him like this and sat next to him, placing her hands on top of his.

"Promise me it won't happen again."

"Oh baby, I do…I promise." He said, turning to face her with tear in his eyes. "I love you, I love you so much." He placed a kissed on her lips. As they kissed all the memories from last night made her feel like her brain was about to explode. "Kensi, just promise me that you'll never leave me for another guy. I can't live without you. I'm lost without you."

She looked him in the eyes and nodded, letting him rest his head on her lap.

After a few minutes she told Jack that everything was ok between them, that he should take a shower and maybe clean some of the mess and that she was going out to refresh her ideas.

…

**Authors note:**

Hey guys,

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it's a small one, but I promise that I'll update soon.

Thank you so much for your support and reviews.

I know that I didn't write a back story to this, but I originally thought about a Deeks-Kensi relationship the way they have in the tv show, only with Jack in the middle. Well, I hope you can understand my point of view.

Also there was a request for a Deeks POV, but I couldn't do it in this chapter. But wait for the one that's coming and I'll try my best to meet your expectations.

Hope you enjoy the story and the next chapters and remember that your reviews are very welcome and inspiring. And because English is not my first language, any misspelling corrections are welcome as well.

Love, Annie.


	6. 6 - Shadow

**Shadow**

She chose Venice Beach to clear up her mind. There were not many people on the beach at that time in the morning, just some surfers doing their thing and a couple other morning joggers.

As the sun took its place on the clean blue sky, she wondered if one those surfers could possibly be Deeks. Taking her mind from that issue, she put on her headphones and ran.

Running was something she enjoyed doing, but this morning doing it was harder. She still had some back pains from the impact of her fall last night. She could hardly breathe.

Stopping a few minutes latter in pain, she decided to take off her running shoes and step into the sand, just to get her feet wet for little bit. While doing it, she saw the familiar image of a brown old dog coming in her direction. "Monty, good boy!" She said, patting him softly in the head. "How are you, buddy? You're good? Yes" She continued. Deeks was definitely around, of course he was. It was his favourite spot for an early workout and surfing. "Where is he, Monty?" The dog barked and then grabbed one of her shoes with his mouth, running through the sand down to the water. Kensi followed him wondering if he wanted to play with her. "Monty, come here…Monty!" she yelled, running after him.

No, he wasn't playing with her. He was pointing her where Deeks was. By the water she saw him, waiting in the ocean on top of his surfboard for the perfect wave. "You're a smart dog, buddy!" She said taking from the water the shoe Monty put.

…

Deeks woke up around six A.M. that morning. He barely slept at night, but his mind was wondering around. The moment he and Kensi shared at the night club was stuck in his head. They almost kissed, but then she ran away. He tried to call her with no reply, he even considered going to her house to check if everything was all right. However, he decided that that wasn't the best idea. Jack would be there and he knew how much the guy hated him.

The connection with the ocean was always his escape from everything. And even though his thoughts were not controllable, at least there was nobody there to annoy him. It was the only alone time he had to collect his thoughts, his feelings, his fears and joys. But damn, he was about to lose his mind. All he wanted right now was to feel her close again, to kiss her, to elope with her to a distant country, to make love to her…But no, Jack was the one with those privileges.

He could feel the ocean tell him the perfect wave was coming, so he prepared him self and paddled.

…

She saw him catch the wave and return to the ocean. "How long has he been in there, Monty?" She asked the dog. They were both sitting on the sand a few steps from the water. "Probably for a long time." She answered to herself.

He was a good surfer, she could tell. Watching him was a pleasure. She was getting lost in the moment, imagining how her life could be by his side: so simple, no more hard fights, no more lonely nights, no more desperate nightmares in the middle of the night, no more crying. Of course it wouldn't be that easy, but she liked the thought of it. Deeks had his own monsters do deal with, his tough childhood took a tool on him too, but he was a light person. He made her feel good.

He caught another wave and made his way to leave the water…to her.

"Good morning." He said, smiling. "It's nice to see you here."

"Well, I was jogging when this guy…" she pointed to Monty "…caught my attention."

"Yeah, I usually bring him when I surf. He likes to show off to hot women, don't you Mont'?" He stepped closer to her, after taking the surf board leash from his leg. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm good, good!" She answered, doing her best to hide the bruises in her face.

"Oh my…Kensi, what happened to your face?" He said, grabbing her face with both hands to take a closer look.

"Nothing happened. I'm fine now. I fell when I was getting home yesterday night. You know how clumsy I can be, right?!"

"No, this doesn't look like a bruise from a fall. Somebody hurt you, Kens? Tell me the truth, please."

"Deeks, I'm fine. Let it go."

"It was him, wasn't it?"

"Who, Jack?"

"Damn right, him!"

"I'm fine, Deeks"

"The last time you went to work with bruises all over your body, you confessed me that he got a little out of control. That he was violent with you, that you had to lock yourself in your room until he calmed down. I wanted to do something about it, but you didn't let me and I kept your secret. However I told you that I was going to be aware of his behaviour, that I wouldn't let it pass again." He was looking at her hands and arms to see if there were any other injuries. "Now you answer me the truth: did he lay hands on you?"

"Hum…He didn't mean to." Deeks took a deep breath, furious by now. "He was drunk when I got home, I tried to stop him and then this happened." She explained talking about her cut lip and swollen cheek. She grabbed Deeks' hand and looked him in the eyes. "I'm fine now. And so is he…we talked this morning, he said it won't happen again."

"Didn't he say it the last time this happened?"

"I forgave him!"

"Like you always do." Their voices were rising. "Don't you see that you are stuck in a toxic relationship?"

"No…we love each other."

"Don't lie to yourself, Kensi. It's sick to see you acting like you're head over heels in love, when I see in your eyes nothing but sadness, loneliness, hope for freedom."

"Don't talk like that, Deeks. We have good times; we have bad times, just like any other couple. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, well… but we fight and I'm fighting not to lose him."

"I guess you already did. I heard you talking to Nell the other day."

"And since when do you have permission to listen to MY private conversations?"

"I heard you saying that you don't feel loved by him anymore."

"You don't understand. He is ill. PSTD is a serious condition. He experienced psychological trauma, depression, fear… but he is my Jack, my first true love! I'm not giving up on him."

"It's just like the stories we hear on TV: the boyfriend who treats the girlfriend like a piece of shit, but then says sweet words of forgiveness and everything goes back to normal. It's toxic!"

"If that's what you think, fine. Leave me and my toxic ways alone." And with that said she turned her back on him. "You think you know it all, that you have it all figured out, that you're better than other people. No, Deeks, you don't understand. You never will…"

"Kensi, come back…talk to me!"

"I don't want to talk to you. You hurt me, leave me alone."

"No, listen to me!" he said desperately, chasing her. "You need to listen!"

"WHAT?" She said facing him.

"I know you're a strong, independent, stubborn woman…and those are some of the reasons I fell in love with you in the first place. There, I said it. I'm in love with you." He let it all out. He's heart was beating so much in his chest he honestly thought it was about to explode. "Now how do you think I feel knowing that the woman I love is with somebody else? Someone who doesn't appreciate her, doesn't tell her she's beautiful every single day, doesn't treat her like a queen. Kensi, if I could I would give you the world. Damn…"

"Deeks, I don't know what to say." She was speechless.

"I wish you could say you share the same feeling as I do, but I know you won't so…run to him once again. I'm just not fine with the way he treats you. And this time I'm not letting this go."

"What? No, no, no…you won't do anything. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself."

"Kensi, I'm not letting this go." He said, walking through the sand towards his car. "And if it's in my power, he won't hurt you again."

Kensi tried in every way she could to stop him, but he got into his car and started driving like a crazy person. She knew where he was going and feared the worst.

…

At that time of the morning there was not much traffic as Deeks drove as fast as he could. How could he let it happen again? He should have done something the first time he learned about Jack's behaviour. He was so angry that he could barely pay attention to the traffic lights. Actually, he was so angry that he forgot that Kensi was trying to follow him in her own car.

Parking his car in front of her house he felt his anger growing. It was time.

He rang the doorbell and waited impatiently for him to answer. And then finally there he was.

"What do you want?" Jack asked.

"What do I want?" Deeks replied ironically, hearing Kensi park her car on the drive way. "You must be joking!"

"Deeks, stop it!" Kensi screamed.

"No…" He said to himself. "No, not this time" And without further notice he threw a punch on Jack's face, making him lose his balance and take a stumble.

"Deeks…" Kensi begged. But he wasn't stopping as he continued to throw punches in Jack's direction. But Jack was a strong man, and fast enough he started to defend himself. Now they were both caught in the altercation. "Stop it! You two stop!" Kensi continued yelling unable to do much else. She could see blood coming from each others lips and noses. Deeks got on top of Jack and punched him in the face again.

"You're not a man! You're nothing. You hit her again and I swear you're dead." He said.

"You son of a b…" Jack said, in between punches.

"Jack! Deeks!" Kensi tried to pull them apart with her hands, but without success.

"You hear me? You touch her again and I'll kill you with my own hands." Deeks threatened, getting on his feet.

"Stop it, Deeks!" Kensi said, kneeling next to Jack. He was far worse than her partner, with all the blood and bruises.

"What the hell, Kensi? What did you say to this guy?"

"Nothing, Jack. Everything was fine…that's what I told him." But he wasn't listening as he made his way inside. "See what you did?"

"What? Like he didn't deserve it?" Deeks answered.

"No! I said I could take care of myself."

"And I believe that, but…"

"But? Deeks just go way…you're making things worse."

"Fine! But if it happens again, Kensi, I'm not settling for a few punches." He said and walked away.

…

Kensi took the rest of the morning cleaning Jack's bruises. She still needed to get ready for work. And yes, she knew this was going to be a bad day.

Jack was very quiet as she disinfected his cuts. It made her think about the person in front of her and all the things they've been through. Placing a hand on his chest, she could hear his heart beat, feel his warm body, his now soft muscles. It was like he was there physically, but long gone. Maybe Deeks was right: maybe she already lost him.

He didn't express his feelings to her anymore, they haven't shared a deep secret in so long and the last time they made love was…forever ago. She wanted him, she did. The thought of losing him was unbearable. He was all she ever wanted, but not like this. He seemed too far away from her: his words, his actions, his thoughts…

And maybe Deeks was right again: they were stuck in a toxic relationship, where they needed each other to survive, when the truth was…they really didn't.

He was a shadow of what he used to be. Actually, they were a shadow of what they used to be.

…

Deeks felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, but he wasn't completely at peace.

He still remember the night before, the fact he and Kensi were about to kiss for the first time. Actually, he could almost feel her breath so close, but still so far away. He thought about the image of her dancing. She was the most beautiful woman in that club. And now…well now he confessed his love for her and they would have to work together everyday. He knew things would be too awkward. If only he could keep his mouth shut!

And then it occurred to him that things were going to be harder than he thought, because somehow saying things out loud make them feel a lot more real. He was in love with her…and she knew it. However, she didn't say a word about her feelings for him.

He knew he flipped this morning, but he couldn't bear the thought of somebody hurting her. In his heart he felt like Jack deserved the beating he received, but deep down he knew that it could probably make things worse between Kensi and him. And know, under the cold water of the shower he knew that there was only one solution.

He quickly stepped out of the shower, placed a towel around his waist and grabbed his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi…I'm sorry to call you this early"

"It's alright, Mr Deeks. Is there anything I can do for you?

"Actually there is…Hetty, I need to speak to you. It's urgent…"

"Yes?"

"I need to ask you for a favour."

…

**Authors note:**

Hey guys,

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I really tried to spice things up a little.

I was inspired by the song Shadow, by Britney Spears. It's such a beautiful song and not your usually Britney's song.

I really hope you continue reading this fic and enjoying it. I honestly do it just for fun!

And I'm so happy when I get reviews. There're really inspiring.

By the way, if you find any misspellings, please point them out. English is not my first language, so any corrections are welcome.

Now, what do you think is the favour Deeks needs from Hetty? Any guesses?

More chapters coming soon…

Love, Annie


	7. 7 - Just give me a reason

**Just give me a reason**

Entering the Bullpen she heard the loud voices of two of her colleagues.

"No, G. I'm telling you: the Ravens are very strong this year. They're going to win the Super Bowl."

"If that's what you think, fine. Let's make a bet."

"A bet? There's still a month to the Super Bowl…what's the point of making a bet?"

"If you're so sure about the victory of the Ravens, we might as well make a bet already."

"Good morning, guys!" Kensi said sitting by her desk. "What are you talking about?"

"Football. Sam is very determined that the Baltimore Ravens are going to win the Super Bowl this year."

"I'm just saying that's my prediction: they're very strong; have been playing very well…Joe Flacco is a very good quarterback."

"Have you seen Deeks?" She asked them, obviously not interested in the topic of their conversation.

"Yeah, he got here before us. I guess he's with Eric and Nell at OPS." Callen answered. "He said something about them helping him with something."

"Oh, ok…that's weird." And just as soon as Sam was about to make a joke, they heard a whisper from upstairs.

"Hey guys, we've got a case!"

…

While listening to the new cases' background, Kensi couldn't deny that Deeks was avoiding her at all cost. It was going to be a very hard day with all this awkwardness between them.

"So, Commander Louis Johnson went missing two days ago. Last night someone broke into his house, where his wife Ava was at. Reports told that she was found alive inside a closet, with her mouth gagged and hands cuffed. No signs of aggressive violence." Nell informed.

"Alright, Kens, why don't you and Deeks check out the place? Sam and I will talk to Ava. She's in the boatshed." Callen said.

"Well, Mr Callen, hold on a minute. Mr Deeks won't be a part of this operation, since he has requested an urgent meeting with me." Hetty looked at Kensi. "Miss Blye, I'm afraid you're going to have to partner up with Mr Hanna and Mr Callen."

"Oh, ok…but is everything alright?" She asked, dying to know what was the issue that Deeks so urgently needed to discuss with Hetty.

"I think that's not of your concern, Miss Blye. Please, go…you're wasting time!"

…

Jack sat holding a cup of coffee on the now clean living room. How could have things gone so far? What the hell has he done? Kensi deserved better, he knew that. He needed to do something about the anger he felt inside. If only Deeks could get lost from the picture, then maybe he and Kensi could live peacefully. All the suspicions that got him into this place would disappear and everything would be all right again.

He had scheduled a consultation with his therapist for later that day and maybe then he could put some of his demons out. He didn't like to talk to a complete stranger at first, but then he got used to it. And now he felt more comfortable talking to Doctor Carter than to Kensi. He felt too ashamed to express his feelings to her.

He needed to feel like a man again and Kensi needed a real man by her side. He needed to prove her he was still capable of being the Jack he used to be. They used to have so much fun together, used to laugh all the time and used to make love like their bodies were just one. Now things felt a little frigid. But he knew he could still be a man to her…in every way.

He made the promise that he wouldn't touch her again. He was going to keep that promise. He was never that guy: the guy who beats woman. And Kensi was his woman, his first love, his true love. He was feeling like an idiot. How could he stoop so low?

No, things were going to change today.

And then he remembered the day he went to buy her an engagement ring ten years ago. He was so in love with her, she was so beautiful and they were both so young. It was a bright and sunny day; he had something like three hundred bucks in his pocket and wore his heart on his sleeve. He bought a little ring with a small rock, because it was all he could afford. It wasn't much, but he knew Kensi didn't care, because she wasn't a materialistic girl. He was ready to propose and build a family with her, but then war exploded and he was suddenly deployed to Iraq. All his plans fell into the ground and he never popped the question.

How he wished things could have been different. Now looking back he faced that he couldn't live without her and that they were meant to be together.

He wondered where he kept that ring hidden for so many years. And then he remembered and got up from his seat.

…

That day was even more awful than she'd expected. She didn't mind working with Sam or Callen, but she felt a lot more comfortable around Deeks. He was her partner; it was him who was supposed to have her back. It was like something was missing when he wasn't there. And also she had to lie about the scars in her face when they asked about what happened. She didn't enjoy lying to them, even more when they were persistent in their questions. Somehow she managed to hide from them what put her in that state.

They all sat by their desks by the end of the day, the sun was starting to set outside and they had finally put the last piece of the puzzle together, figuring out an important part of the case. Ava Johnson was safe, even though the premature death of her husband, who was discovered without life a few hours ago. They figured out that the intruder, an undercover Iraqi agent, only took from the house the Commanders' computer hard drive, which contained information about US military intelligence in Arabic soil. The captured undercover soldier was handed to Homeland Security, who had to deal with the possibility of any terrorist attacks on military bases.

Kensi felt very tired. Not only she had been through an emotional rollercoaster over the last couple days, but the physical work got the best of her. However one thing was on her mind: her partner and the meaning of the urgent meeting he had requested. "Hey, Nell." She said to her friend before leaving the building. "Have you seen Deeks?"

"Hum, no…he was talking to Hetty, but then he left and I haven't seen him since."

"Miss Blye…" Hetty's voice scared the two women, who jumped from the surprise. "I must inform you that your partner is fine, please don't be so nervous. Now go home, get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

…

Deeks stepped out of the shower and placed a towel around his waist. After putting on his pyjamas, he sat on the couch, with Monty by his feet. It was for the best if he started studying the directions Hetty gave him beforehand. He could not mess this up. But then, just as he opened up the file containing the paperwork he was about to read, there was a knock on the door. Getting up calmly, he had the time to wonder who it could be. The surprise was shocking to him.

"Hi."

"Kensi! How are you?"

"Good." She said in embarrassment. "Actually, I'm here to see how you were. Haven't heard from you all day, I was getting a little worried." Silence fell between them for a couple of seconds, which seemed like a thousand years. "But I can see you're fine, so I'm just gonna go now…"

"No, wait." He quickly said. "I didn't mean to be rude!" He continued, taking a step back and opening the door for her. "Want to come inside?"

"Hum, sure…"

They were standing awkwardly in front of each other in the living room. The tension was once again in the air. "Can I get you anything to drink?" He politely asked.

"No, thanks."

"Look, I'm sorry about this morning, but…"

"Yeah, well. I told you I could handle the situation by myself. And I'm not afraid of Jack. He's not usually violent, but he was drunk so."

"That's a lame excuse for what happened, Kensi."

"Deeks, just let it go. Ok?"

"I can't possibly let it go. It's called domestic violence and it should be stopped before…"

"No" She cut him talking. "No, it's not domestic violence. It doesn't happen everyday, every week. Actually it happened because Jack thought you and I were having an affair."

"An affair?"

"Yes. He lost his mind, but I'm fine…we're fine."

"I think you're denying it!"

"Deeks, please stop it. I didn't come here to fight with you or argue."

"I know and yet I don't understand why you defend him. But as said before if he puts one hand in you again I won't be settling for a few punches."

"Well, thank you for your concern. It's nice to know somebody cares about you." She admitted.

He smiled. It was time to change the subject. "So how was your day?"

"Kind of boring. I mean, I'm so used to having you by my side, joking around, making me laugh. Guess I missed it."

"Missed me?"

She blushed, without knowing what to say. "Maybe a little bit." She eventually confessed. "Deeks, I've been thinking a lot and maybe you're right."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that maybe I've been so caught up in Jack's problems and life that I forgot to live a life of my own." She felt tears forming in her eyes, but kept them controlled. "When you came into my life you were like a ray of light on my dark and heavy sky. Do you know what I mean? You're so…so…light."

"I care about you so much, Kensi. I don't want to see you sad. I would do anything to make you smile, you know that! And I know it's hard but have you ever considered leaving him?"

"Well, my life is a mess; actually, I'm a mess. Things are so complicated right now and I can't tell you to wait for me. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it: to let it all go. You said that my relationship with Jack is toxic and maybe it is…but I can't leave him. I promised him that I would stay."

"But you deserve to be happy and if you don't love him anymore, then maybe there's a possibility that you'll find that strength you need to let him go."

"It's not that easy, because I love him…I do. Just because the love isn't the same teenage heartbreaking unbearable head over heels love, it doesn't mean it isn't love."

"So chose to be with him?"

"Yes." She said, with a tear falling down her face. "We're going to have to work things out that way, but just remember that…that I have feelings for you too, Deeks."

"It's so good to hear that. You have no idea." He took her hand in his and looked into her eyes. "But what if you talk to Jack?"

"No…he needs me. I'm everything he's got left."

"I think that's it, Kensi! I think you're with him because it makes you feel good, maybe even gives you a purpose."

"No…"

"Yes, you feel helpful, you feel like his world functions because you're in the centre of it. But he's not alone; he's got a family that can take care of him. He's not alone in the world. Not like you are…like I am." She kept nodding. "And you need to understand that I need you too."

"What?"

"I need you, because I'm in love with you."

"Deeks…"

"Just give us a chance. You know how good we are together."

"I don't' know what to say…"

"Then say nothing at all." Deeks said, cleaning the teardrops that kept running through her eyes with his fingers. They were so close they could feel each others heart beat. And then they kissed. It was a long, passionate and tender kiss.

…

Kensi drove home with the kisses they shared in her mind. They felt so good and she felt so alive. She couldn't help but feel she was walking in cloud nine. She felt like a teenager, with all the butterflies flying around her stomach and the daydreams about a happy ending.

Could she have a conversation with Jack tonight about their future? About her future?

She only felt this way before once in her life and it was precisely the first time she saw Jack. Now the object of her desire was somebody else.

However, reality hit her when she parker in front of her house.

Opening the door she saw all the lights turned off, the living room was lighted with a few candles. 'Maybe the power went off." She thought, not for a second prepared for what she was about to see.

In the kitchen a beautiful table set for two was in order, such as an amazing dinner prepared on top of the counter. On the other side of the table standing was Jack holding a little red box in his hand. He got closer to her without a word, just a smile on his lips. And then he took her hand, holding it carefully. "Kensi, I'm so glad you're home. Please hear what I've got to say: I know that the past few years have not been easy for us. And I also know that I'm the reason why, but I think we can work things out and even fall back in love. The kind of love we used to have for each other, remember? We used to be so happy, so young and in love. I know we can go through this and we'll be fine in the end. We can work things out and learn to love again. I'm committing to you, to us and I really hope you feel the same way. I know I need to be a better man for you; you deserve better…the best that I can be. I promise you I'm going to try my best to be that man…I'll be the man you deserve to have. And the truth is that I cannot live without you and I want you in my life forever. You were the one who stayed for good parts, but also for the bad ones. Holding my hand during nightmares and taking care of me when I was too messed up to take care of myself. Because of all that and more I'm standing here able to say that I love you, Kensi. Will you marry me?"

…

Authors note:

Hello guys,

What did you think about this chapter? What do you think Kensi is going to do? And what about Deeks and the things he and Hetty are planning? Any guesses or suggestions?

Well, I hope you enjoyed it and keep reading the story.

For this chapter I was inspired by the song Just give me a reason, by Pink. I think it really fits Jack and Kensi's realationship.

By the way, I'm sorry if you find any misspellings. Don't be afraid to correct me any time.

Also I'm so grateful for all your reviews. They're very inspiring. Keep them coming :)

I'll be posting more chapters very soon.

Love, Annie.


	8. 8 - Thinking of you

**Thinking of you**

"Will you marry me?"

She felt like the ground was missing, as if she was spinning without any control and then suddenly she said it. "Yes…yes!"

He kneeled in front of her and presented a little red velvet box. Inside of it was the most beautiful ring, simple but stunning. "I picked it out a few years ago, but then I was detached to Iraq and everything became a mess. But it's better late than never, so…"

"It's beautiful, Jack." She said emotionally.

"It's not Tifannys or anything, but it's what I was able to afford back then. I hope you like it."

"I love it." She was so surprised and touched by his proposal; she didn't know exactly what to say. "Put it on my finger, Jack!"

He did what she asked and it fitted perfectly. Then they shared a kissed. "I wanted to do something for you tonight, but I'm not the best cook in the world so I ordered dinner." He said, pointing to the food tray sitting on top of the kitchen counter.

"It's perfect." She replied.

…

The alarm clock sounded particularly loud that morning or maybe her head was about to explode over the lack of sleep. Kensi got up from bed and made her way to the bathroom to take a shower. On her finger there it was: the little diamond ring Jack proposed with. It felt weird in her hand, like it didn't belong there. Maybe she just needed to get used to it.

In the shower she kept thinking about last night and the fact that she had to tell Deeks that after she kissed and confessed some of her true feelings to him, she went home only to get engaged to somebody else. It was going to be another tough day, but she couldn't run from her problems anymore.

She got ready in the next twenty minutes, leaving the house while Jack was still peacefully sleeping.

…

It seemed like any other day as she arrived at the Bullpen: Sam and Callen were caught up in their usual non-sensed conversations; Hetty was speaking on the phone; Deeks was late. "Good morning, guys!"

"Good morning, Kens." They replied.

"Good morning all…" It was Nell, who appeared out of nowhere.

"Nell, I'm telling you you're starting to freak me out. Every day you remind me more and more of Hetty." Kensi said.

"Seriously, you're learning some of her sneaking around moves!" Callen supported.

"Sorry, guys. Just wanted to inform you that Hetty wants all of you ready for a meeting in about thirty minutes."

"Yeah, well…we're ready, but where's Deeks?"

"I don't know where he is. But it's most likely for him to be late." Nell looked at Kensi's hand, then to her face, and back to her hand. "Kens, you're engaged!"

"I'm what?" She completely forgot she was wearing the ring, but soon noticed that it was placed on her hand. "Oh, this? Yeah, Jack proposed to me last night." They all had curious looks on their faces. "I said yes as you all can see."

"Well, congratulations." Callen was the first to jump from his desk to give her a hug. "Wasn't expecting this at all, but I'm happy for you."

"Yeah, you deserve to be happy, Kensi." Sam followed, giving her a tight hug.

"Thanks guys!"

"But do tell, how did he propose?" Nell wondered.

"What's going on in here?" Eric entered the Bullpen, wondering what the motive for the festivities was.

"Kensi just got engaged." Nell announced.

"No kidding…Congratulations." Eric said.

"Thanks. Well, there's not much to tell: he proposed when I got home last night after work. He made a speech and then kneeled and asked me to marry him. That's it."

"It's such a beautiful ring." Nell commented, holding her hand to take a closer look.

"It's simple, but I like it." Kensi said, feeling a lot more awkward than she'd expected to feel.

"Yeah! Very nice indeed" Deeks' voice came from behind her with an ironic tone. "Congratulations Kens."

"Deeks…" Oh boy, she thought, now the hard talk begins. "It was so unexpected…I"

"No, no it's fine. I guess you deserve all the happiness in the world. If Jack makes you happy, then I've got nothing to say but to wish you both good luck and happiness." He said, turning his back to the astonished group.

"Deeks, wait. We need to talk!" She followed him, trying to make him stop. "Listen to me."

"No, you listen. You're not only making Jack a puppet in your hands, but you're also making a fool out of me." She could tell he was angry from the tone of his voice. He wasn't yelling or anything. He was actually speaking in a very low voice tone; it was more the harshness in his worlds that made her figure out his anger. "You came into my house and said things to me like you're not totally sure about your feelings for him and then you come in here this morning sporting an engagement ring! Get your act together, Kens"

"I never said I didn't love him." She looked around. They were in the middle of the hallway and people were starting to stare. "Now stop making a scene and act like a man. Let's talk in a more private room." She said, walking in front of him to a room down the hall Hetty used to destroy files.

"So you're engaged, huh?"

"Yes, and if you must know I was totally surprised when he proposed to me. I wasn't ready for it, but what did you expect me to do? Leave him; tell him I wasn't ready when we've been together for so long; run out the door and hide from him?"

"Maybe…"

"Well, the words came out from my mouth like a freaking tornado…and I said yes. I don't regret it!"

"And I'm fine with it!"

"Don't lie to me. I know this is hard on you, but we talked yesterday."

"And you said you were confused about your relationship with this guy, you said you had feelings for me. I had the impression that you were going to talk to him."

"And I do have feelings for you…but I do for him too." She felt devastated. "My heart is broken right now, because I can't be with you. Please don't be mad at me, Deeks. You know how important you are to me…Please try to understand and accept it."

"You know what? I give up…I honestly thought that things were going to change after we kissed last night. Damn you, Kensi. Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm so sorry Deeks, but you have to understand that Jack and I have a history together. We've been in a relationship for so many years; I just can't leave him now."

"Right, but if you don't remember, he hit you the other night. I know for a fact that sometimes he's so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't talk to you for days. I don't know why you put yourself in that situation when you and I could start something beautiful. Kensi, look at me…" He said, placing his hand on her face. "What else can I possibly say?"

"I'm sorry, Deeks. I really am. And I'm sorry you had to hear about the engagement like this."

"Well, I had a little hope that you could leave him, we could even make works things out." He stepped far from her, creating an awkward space between them. "But maybe it's better off this way."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean after my birthday party and the morning after I couldn't stop thinking about you, about us, about Jack…everything. I know that I couldn't do my job properly, because my thoughts were far away from here. And then I learned that Jack hit you and I felt so angry…anyways, I spoke to Hetty that day." He took a deep breath and looked at the floor, not wanting to face her. "Kensi, I have something to tell you too."

"And what is it?"

"Well, it was very difficult for me to make this decision, but eventually I figured out it was the best for me and in some way for you too." He could feel the anticipation in the air and decided not to make her wait any longer. "I've decided to resign from the LAPD. I'm becoming an NCIS agent."

"Are you serious?" She said in a mix of excitement and shock. "But that's great news."

"I'm not finished." He informed. "I'm becoming an NCIS agent, but I'm not staying in LA. I'm going to be a part of the Red Team."

"The Red Team?"

"Yes, I talked to Hetty and she said it would be a great way to continue my job at NCIS and that I could add some value to the other team. So, yeah…I'm becoming a NCIS agent on the Red Team."

"But why?"

"Because there was nothing in this word I could do that would turn your mind around the fact that you don't have to be stuck with him forever." He said. "And if these feelings I have for you are going to make it difficult for us to work together, then maybe this is the best solution. And then we kissed last night and this morning I was about to tell Hetty that I didn't want to leave the team after all, but…"

"Deeks", she cried.

"But these feelings are too strong and my only regret is that I won't be around to protect you from his hands by myself."

"So you're not going to be my partner anymore?" She was completely shocked. It was like her world was falling down.

"No, I'm not. Look, I loved working with you, but these feelings are not good in a work environment. Things would be too awkward between us and eventually we wouldn't be able to be good agents. It would jeopardise our job."

"But…but, you're leaving!" She concluded. "You can't go. What about your house and Monty?"

"Eric said he could take care of him for a while and my house…well, it's just a house."

"NO…" She shouted at him. "You don't understand. I need you. You're my partner, my friend. How am I supposed to work without you? I…"

"You worked here before me and you were very good back then. I'm sure you'll work just as good without me."

"I'm begging you, please don't go…" She couldn't breathe anymore, she was losing her ground and she felt sick. "But you're leaving LA. If you don't won't to work with me then you can go back to LAPD and we can still be friends."

"The decision was already taken. I'm leaving tonight."

"Tonight? So soon!"

"Yes, Hetty pulled some strings for me and I need to be at the training academy in two days, so leaving today gives me time to settle and everything. I'm spending the next months there, you know…training."

"But tonight?"

"Yeah, I've got to catch my flight to Georgia at seven."

"Georgia! Uau…I still can't believe it."

"I know that this was unexpected and all, but…"

"And when were you planning on telling me?"

"I don't know…I guess I was waiting for a reason not to go."

"Deeks…don't do this. We work so well together, we're such a great team."

"Hetty ensured me that your next partner is going to be great too. Probably not as handsome or funny, but…"

"Please don't joke about this." She said, with heaviness in her chest. "It's not funny."

"Lighten up, Kens. It's not the end of the world."

"But I'm gonna miss you!" She confessed.

"I'm gonna miss you too." He got closer to her, taking her into his arms for final goodbye. Kissing her softly on the lips and caressing her cheek, he smiled and turned to the door. "Don't worry Fern, I'll be back." And he left.

…

Lying in bed that night, Kensi couldn't sleep. The thought of Deeks leaving wouldn't leave her mind.

"Baby, is everything ok?" Jack asked.

"Yes."

"Then what's keeping you awake?"

"Actually, there is something you should know, Jack." She said, starring at his worried face. "My partner is leaving the team."

"What?"

"Deeks is leaving the team."

"You're serious?"

"Yes"

"Good. I mean at least he won't be sticking his nose in our relationship anymore."

"Don't' say that." She replied, noticing how relieved he was. "He is a good partner."

"Partners come and go…true love lasts forever; and I'm sure our love will grow stronger this way."

She felt his arm around her waist, pulling her in. It was uncomfortable to be in that position: lying in bed with one man, while thinking about the other. She felt her throat tightening and tears forming. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't at least not here and not now. Looking outside through the bedroom's open window she remembered Deeks' blue eyes. She was going to miss them for sure…and also his laugh, the way he used to tell jokes, the way he flirted with her, the way he flirted with other women in front of her to make her jealous, the way he smiled, the way he walked, the way he used to confront Sam, the way he would always look at the bright side of life.

…

**Authors note:**

Hey guys,

What are your thoughts on this chapter? Are you sad Kensi chose to say yes to Jack? And what about Deeks? How could he leave Kensi and move on?

I'm sorry to disappoint a lot of you, but I promise that good things are coming. Please don't be angry at me and keep reading.

For this chapter I was inspired by the song Thinking of you, by Katy Perry.

I'm having fun writing this story and trying to portray Kensi more vulnerable than she is in the TV show. Hope you don't have a problem with that.

Anyways, thank you for all your reviews and support. You guys are amazing and so inspiring. Your opinion matters a lot to me. :)

As always, if you find any misspellings correct me. English is not my first language.

Ok, I promise more chapters soon and a little more drama.

Love, Annie.


	9. 9 - When you're gone

**When you're gone**

**Three days later**

Getting back to work without Deeks was very strange. There was some tension in the air between the team, his desk was still empty and it was like something was missing. It was hard to partner up with Sam and Callen, but luckily for the past days there was not a lot of field work to be done.

It had been three days since her partner moved to Georgia to frequent the Training Academy set to prepare future NCIS agents to the field work. She wondered how he was getting along with his colleagues, if he made any friends already, if he even wanted to make friends, if there were any hot girls in the same classes as his…

"Miss Blye" She heard her boss's voice calling her from her daydreams. She had been training in the gym for the most of the morning. "I need you to come with me, please."

In the Bullpen waiting for them were not only Callen, Sam, Eric and Nell, but also a very tall guy, with dark hair and a familiar military pose. "Miss Blye, meet NCIS Agent Declan Austin…your new partner."

"My new… partner?" She couldn't believe how fast Hetty replaced Deeks. Of course it was the right procedure to take in those kinds of situations, but she wasn't ready to have a new partner or at least not just yet.

"Hello there" Austin said, stretching his hand for a handshake. Politely they greeted each other.

"Hi…I'm Agent Kensi Blye."

"I'm looking forward to start working with you. Hetty told me great things about your working ethics."

"Sure." She felt so confused. They had to work together, but it was so hard to start a new partnership after three years of working with her perfect match. Why did Deeks do that to her?

"Are you alright, Miss Blye?" Hetty asked.

"Actually, can we talk, Hetty…in private?"

"Of course. Please, give us a minute." She said, turning to the rest of the team.

…

"Hetty I don't understand… why did you replace Deeks so fast? He's my partner and I'm not ready yet to move on from that."

"Miss Blye, I'm sure you'll comprehend that this things are not in my power to decide. You need a new partner and Declan Austin is a very good trained agent who I'm sure won't let you down."

"But…"

"You can't work by yourself. A partner is like a life jacket…you need him to survive in the business. Now I'm sure you miss your old partner. Marty was a very, very good member of our team, but he's gone." Kensi's face fell down in despair. "He requested to leave and I'm sure he will become an even more successful agent after professional training."

"Are you sure he won't be coming back?"

"I'm not sure of anything, but as he wanted he'll be placed in another team when he graduates from the academy." Hetty took Kensi's hand and led her to a comfortable seat, sitting in a chair as well. "I know you and Mr Deeks shared a more intimate connection and that even though you won't admit it to any person, you're hurting. But you are strong, Kensi, and I'm confident that you know what our priorities are. That said, I know you'll work with Agent Austin very well." Kensi nodded her head, understanding the message.

"It's just that I didn't see that coming, you know…him leaving."

"Life is full of surprises: some good; some bad. We just have to roll with the punches." Hetty said in an understanding tone. "Besides, Mr Deeks is not dead. He is very well and alive! I'm sure he wouldn't like to see you sad…he once confessed me that he made a promise to himself to make you smile everyday."

Kensi felt touched by those words. Of course Deeks made a promise like that, since he was able to know her better that anybody else. She did need to laugh and smile after all she had been through at home, dealing with Jack's PSTD.

"Thanks, Hetty. I'm going to do my best."

"Wait a second." Hetty replied, getting up from the chair and searching for something inside a drawer. "Since you decided not to be present when Mr Deeks said his final goodbyes to the team, I think you'll like to know that he left this for you." She said, handing her a sealed envelope. "And remember: don't be too hard on your new partner. He's a great man."

"Will do!" Kensi said, grabbing the envelope. "Thanks again."

Leaving Hetty's office she could hear the interrogatory Callen and Sam were making to Declan Austin.

"So where do you come from?"

"Kentwood, Louisiana."

"When did you decide to join NCIS?"

"Actually, after 9/11 I decided to join the military. Got deployed to Iraq and only when my serving time was done, I chose to apply to the Training Academy and got accepted. I've been a NCIS agent for almost six years now."

"Where have you been working all that time?"

"In DC. Then my ex-wife decided to move to California and when somebody offered me the job in your team, I didn't think twice. It was a great opportunity to move closer to my daughter."

"You have a daughter?"

"Yes, Dakota…she's six and is the light of my life. She lives with her mother in San Diego."

"You do know you have big shoes to fill, don't you?" Sam informed.

"What to you mean?"

"Deeks was a great member of this team; I know he and I got our little disagreements, but he was a good man."

"Still is, Sam…he's not dead!" Kensi replied. It was good to see that even Sam missed Deeks and respected him enough to warn the new guy about how good of a Detective he was.

…

Later that day, Kensi found herself at the parking lot of Deeks' apartment. Feeling him near her seemed easier that way and besides if Jack knew she had a letter from her ex-partner, he would probably want to read it and freak out.

"Kensi,

I hope that by now you're not angry at me anymore. Understand that I did what I did for a lot of reasons, but the biggest of them all is the love I feel for you.

You've been part of my life for the past three years and honestly the best thing in it. I felt like I've found my soul mate when I started to have feelings for you. In our own weird way, we are perfect match and that's what hurts the most. Because I know that this is only a fantasy and you were not mine at all.

Your heart was stolen a long time ago and perhaps Jack is your perfect match. I'll live with it, since you made your choice. Letting me go seemed too easy for you. However, deciding to let you go wasn't easy at all. I just hope that one day in the future we can work things out and not feel awkward around each other. Maybe that's why I decided to go away for a while: to clean the air around us.

Please forgive me for not telling you ahead about my decision, but after my birthday party and the moment we shared on the dance floor I realized this was the best thing to do. One day I'll make it up to you and that's a promise I'm keeping.

You were not only my partner, but my best friend, the woman of my dreams (literally! I used to dream with you all the time), everything I hoped to find in true love. I guess I'm going to have to work out my feelings for you. I know it will be hard, but I'm going to make it work.

I really do hope you have the most beautiful wedding and please make sure you look beautiful as well in that day. In my mind, you're the most beautiful bride (even though you're not walking down the aisle to me).

Also, I'm letting you know that I put Hetty in touch with what happened between you and Jack. I might not be there in person, but at least there's someone looking over you when I'm gone.

Ultimately I want to warn that I won't be in touch for a while but if you want to, you can give Eric a little hand with Monty. I'm sure they will be very happy about that. And while I'm gone, please remember to smile and laugh. Don't lock yourself in a little bubble and enjoy life to the fullest. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I love you and I'm taking you with me in my heart. Always.

Yours truly,

Marty Deeks.

PS: When I was packing up I realized that there was more than one LAPD shirt missing from my closet. Kept wondering who has them? I bet they look a whole lot better in you, anyways.

Take care."

Even in a farewell letter he could still keep his sense of humour. He was probably very hurt with her and yet chose to tell her that he wished her well, that he loved her.

Covered by her own guilt she decided to check out his house. 'For protecting reasons' she told herself. Making her way down the stairs of the apartment building she noticed that the door was locked and there was no spare key under the front door rug.

Then she pulled out her favourite gear to break in. In a second, she was inside.

His house was spotless and smelled great. Smelled like him.

His surf board was leaning against the living room wall next to his surfing memorabilia: Photographs and souvenirs from past surfing trips. Next to it there was a picture of him and Monty on the beach. She remembered that picture very well, since she was the one who took it.

She really liked his house; it was so comfortable and peaceful. She missed him and his house was a mirror of his personality: laid back, cool, happy…

Walking into his bedroom she spotted a cardigan on the floor. Picking it up, she held it closer to her chest. Maybe it fell from his suitcase and that's why he left it on the floor. She put it on and it felt so soft. 'It's not stealing.' She kept telling herself.

After wandering around his house for a little longer and remembering all the moments she spent with him not only there but at the beach, she decided to head home.

…

"How was your day, baby?" Jack asked, while they were chilling on the couch, watching some trash TV.

"It wasn't too bad. I met my new partner."

"And how is he?"

"I don't really know him yet…but he seemed fine." He really seemed like a good man just like Hetty said. "But let's not talk about it."

"Alright! 'Cause actually I was wondering if you have considered a date."

"A date for what?"

"For the wedding, of course!"

"I don't know."

"We should get married soon. I mean, we've waited for so long!"

"Soon? Jack, let's not rush things. Let's enjoy the moment!" She could tell he wasn't too pleased with her answer. She kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear. "How about a winter wedding?"

"Winter? Honey, we're in January. It would take us a full year to get married!"

"Fine…but I need to get a dress and those take time to order. And I'm sure your family would like to come and we need to get everything ready for them to fly from the other side of the country. Besides, I'm sure you want a perfect wedding and perfect weddings take time to pull off."

"Are you sure you about that? I always thought that you would be a whole lot more practical. Maybe even consider eloping or something like that."

She was more practical, but the truth was she wasn't ready for getting married quickly. She needed time to digest everything that happened and a wedding was the least of her concerns right now. So maybe she was pushing the date away for a little bit, but she needed time to figure things out. "Let's set a date, ok? How about the weekend before Christmas?"

"C'mon, Kensi. Christmas?"

"Fine…then how about autumn?"

"October?"

"Yes, October should be fine!"

"Seems like the perfect date to me!" he agreed.

She smiled and gave him a small kiss on the lips. "I'm tired, Jack…I'm going to bed."

Lying her head on the pillow she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her body was about to shut down from all the emotional rides, the long nights without sleep, the physical pain she felt in her chest and the feeling of emptiness. It started to sink in: Deeks was gone.

…

**May 2013 **

The team had been working on a tough case for more than a week now. They needed to find a threatening bomb that could possibly kill and injure thousands of people.

They were waiting impatiently for any information, when suddenly Eric spoke through their headpieces that the suspect was heading to the LA Mall, downtown. It was time to act fast.

Evacuating the place was done in no time, since Sam triggered the fire alarm. But everything became a mess, when people from all over the place started running outside.

Unfortunately they lost vision on the suspect, but they needed to find him. He could still detonate the bomb somewhere else.

"Kensi, Declan, take place on that side of the building." Callen said, pointing. "Be careful, because the guy is dangerous."

They made their way there, when suddenly gunshots echoed on the walls of the mall. Running towards where Callen and Sam were, they found the suspect dead. However the bomb was already settled and ready to explode. Sam got closer to it and figured out there was no time to stop it; they could only run.

Once outside they waited and told people to back off from the building.

But Kensi froze for a minute. "Where the hell is Austin?" She questioned. "Callen…have you seen Declan?"

"Eric, do you have any visual on Declan?" he asked is colleague through the headpiece. The response was negative.

"DECLAN!" Kensi screamed. He must be inside, she thought. Without waiting any longer she jumped inside. She could not lose her partner; where the hell was he.

"Kensi…don't" She heard Hetty's voice. "Go back outside."

"But Declan…I need to find him."

"You partner is fine…go back. You only have ten seconds."

"Fine?"

"Yes, he is outside. He left through another door. Run!" Hetty ordered.

Anticipating what was about to happen, Kensi prayed that her death wasn't too painful. But despite the despair, she ran as fast as she could.

And then it happened. BOOM!

"Kensi?" screams from all her team mates shouted through her headpiece and that was the last thing she heard.

…

**Authors note:**

Hello everyone,

I know that this chapter is not as emotional as the other ones, but the end was something to consider, right? Kensi was hit by an explosion and with no one to protect her.

What do you think is going to happen? Is she going to be fine?

As you probably noticed I publish a new chapter everyday, so you won't have to wait much longer to read what's going to happen next.

I know that I skipped a few months from January to May, but I'm really excited about the coming chapters, when things actually start to happen for all the Densi fans dying out there…and that's all I'm telling you! :)

Also, I'm sorry if I disappointed some of you by making Kensi say yes to Jack's proposal, but it was needed for the story.

For this chapter I was inspired by the song When you're gone, by Avril Lavigne. I think it describes the feeling of emptiness Kensi is having now that Deeks is gone.

Thank you so much for your reviews; they mean a lot to me and really make me see how you guys are feeling about the way I'm writing this. So please keep them coming. I write for fun, but also for everyone that follows this story. I don't want to let you guys down.

So, keep posted and soon enough you'll be reading the next chapter.

Love, Annie.


	10. 10 - Broken

**Broken**

Everyone was waiting for news in the hospital waiting room. Kensi was in observation for more than an hour and things looked bad. Hetty was the only person who entered the doctor's office more than fifteen minutes ago and the team was desperate.

Suddenly Hetty reappeared, making everyone jump from their seats.

"How is she?" Jack asked.

"I'm afraid I'm bringing not so good news. She suffered some excoriations, but fortunately she fell behind a wall that protected her body from the explosion. However, she suffered head trauma from the fall as it seems she hit her head with big impact. Miss Blye is in a coma."

"What?"

"Yes, the doctor said she is stable, but she isn't responding. She may wake up very soon, in the next few hours or days…or it can take years."

"No!" Jack said. "How could you let this happen? You are her team mates; you are supposed to take care of her."

"Jack, calm down. It happened in a slip of a second. We didn't have much time to react. She ran inside the building and…"Callen tried to explain.

"It's really my fault." Declan said in despair. "I should have stuck with you guys."

"It's nobody's fault" Hetty proclaimed. "Jack, I know that this is hard but she is being treated very well in here."

"Damn you…all of you! If she dies because of you, I'm gonna…"

"Hey, calm down." Sam entered the heated conversation. "This is neither the time nor the place to have this discussion. Now if you please calm down."

"Sam is right." Hetty said. "Jack if you would like to go see your fiancée then you're allowed by the doctors. The rest of you must go home."

…

It's been a day since Kensi fell into a coma. Jack was desperate by her side, leaving only at night, because the staff didn't let him stay.

Hetty tried everything she could to console him and the rest of the team. It was a massive loss and even though no one would admit it, hope was starting to go down. They all wondered if Kensi was ever going to wake up, since they all knew that people in coma could take years to come back from their deep sleep.

The next day it was inevitable in Hetty's point of view that one person above all should learn about this situation and so she picked up the phone and called him.

…

He entered the hospital doors late at night, only to find Hetty waiting for him at the cafeteria, drinking tea.

"I told you not to come!" she said peacefully.

"I needed to come."

"I know…but there's nothing you can do to help her now."

"I need to see her." He said, sitting in front of her.

"I know that too, but it's late and visiting hours are over."

"Hetty, I know that it's not in my position to ask you for anything, but if you could help me out here…I will do anything you want."

"And why should I do that?" she teased.

"Because you know how much I care for her; I can't bear the thought of not being able to see her alive. What if something happens, Hetty? You know how precarious these situations are." He looked at her with tear in his eyes. "Please, Hetty, please!"

...

They entered the room together. It was a dark and silent place. The only sounds actually came from one of the life support machines and nothing else.

"I can't believe this happened." He said, feeling sick to his stomach.

"I saw everything. She didn't listen; she followed her emotions and didn't pay attention to her surroundings. She was so afraid of losing yet another partner that she lost her mind."

"Do you think she'll be ok?"

"I don't know…I hope so."

"It's my fault." He confessed, while getting closer to the bed. "I shouldn't have left the team. I was her partner, I should have stayed."

"No, don't blame yourself for what happened."

"I can't and that's why I needed to come."

"Well, now that you're here I'm sure you'll feel a little better."

"Yeah, I've missed her so much."

"I know you have. And I can tell you that she has missed you too; everyone in the team actually."

"It was very difficult to move on…to change teams, to go way from my comfort zone."

"But I've heard nothing but great reviews over your training."

"Thanks."

"I knew you would become an amazing agent right from the first moment I chose you to be a part of our team."

"But what about Kensi?" He kept thinking about her. "How has she been?"

"She's been fine; she has a new partner, Mr Austin; she's still in a relationship with Jack."

"Has he been good to her?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Good…at least that!" He couldn't stop staring at Kensi. "If I could I would bear her pain. It's so hard seeing her like this."

"Well, I think all you can do right now is stay here for the night. I'll make sure no one bothers you."

"Please don't tell anybody from the team I'm here."

"I understand. Have a nice night, Mr Deeks." Hetty smiled and left.

"Thank you so much…for everything."

…

Kensi was now wandering by herself in an empty beach. Barefoot and wearing only a long white dress, she kept walking down the sand. It was so peaceful in there. Actually her body was so light she almost felt like she wasn't walking, but sliding.

There was some sort of a haze in the horizon yet not a single ray of sun. It was just all white everywhere she looked.

And then she started seeing someone walking towards her, wearing white as well. And the sun started to show behind that person. She started to feel so warm inside; she didn't want to leave that feeling. But she knew that face from somewhere, from a past life perhaps. It was a man, with beautiful features, blonde hair…it was someone that she used to know for sure. He kept walking towards her, but she felt they were still so far way.

Her heart was beating peacefully, it was so warm, such a good feeling. And he was there, walking to her with a smile on his face. It was such a beautiful smile.

The sun was up in the sky, forming a beautiful colour scheme with the haze that was somehow lifting up.

They were so close now and she, by instinct, raised her hand to him. He grabbed it and kissed it. She didn't recognize that face, but she didn't fear him. She was sure he was one to be trusted.

And then he kissed her on the lips, so softly. It felt so good. But before she knew it, he started walking towards the big ocean. She told him to stop, but he didn't look back. She tried to run after him to make him stop, but her feet were stuck in the sand. And before her eyes she saw him disappear into the waves.

She felt like suffocating now, her body was twitching, she felt nauseous. The sun started to go down again and heavy rain took its place. A storm was forming and she couldn't run away and then she felt like she was dying. Her body was losing its vital signs and she fell onto the ground completely wet. The waves were so violent now and she screamed but no sound came out of her mouth. She needed him…she needed him.

…

He was sitting in a chair by her side when he saw her facial expression change; her hands were scratching the bed sheet; she started opening up her mouth to breath; her head started to turn right and left.

He needed to do something, there was something wrong. She spent the last few hours in the same position and now she was having some sort of seizure.

"Kensi?" he whispered. "Kensi, talk to me…Kensi." There was no time to panic, but her body was shaking out of control now. "Kensi…wake up. I can't lose you! Wake up." He didn't know what to do, but as he was about to call a nurse she opened up her eyes with a gasp. "Oh my…Kensi?"

"You're here." She said, starring at his eyes. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Of course I'm here. Where else was I supposed to be?" he replied, touching her face. I'm going to call a doctor, stay here and don't move."

"No." she begged. "Stay here with me. I remember your face now. I need you."

"And I'm here for you, Kens." He didn't understand what she was saying.

"I missed you." She told him with a weak voice.

"I missed you too. How are you feeling?"

"So tired."

"You scared me so much, Kensi. When Hetty told me by the phone what happened I thought I lost you."

"Hetty?"

"Yes, Hetty told me that you were in a coma. I couldn't stop myself from coming here to see you."

"I'm feeling so tired. I don't want to go back."

"Go back?" he said, holding her hand.

"To the darkness. I need you to keep me warm."

"Kensi, you need to rest."

"Lay by my side, please."

"I should really call a doctor."

"No…just stay here for a little while."

"Are you sure?"

"I am…and I'm sorry I let you go away. But my body wasn't moving."

He didn't understand where she was coming from with that, but he really didn't care. He was just worried because she had spend the last two days in a coma and now she was awake and needed to be seen by a doctor. "It's alright, Kensi."

He took a place on the small hospital bed next to her and caressed her hair. Facing her so close he could see the scars in her still beautiful face from the impact of the fall and the heat from the bomb. She was lucky to be alive.

"I don't want to go back there. Don't let me go!"

"I won't, Kensi. I'm staying here."

"I need you…I've always had."

Soon enough she closed her eyes again and it was time to call someone.

…

The doctor made sure she was just sleeping. She was officially out of the coma, but they still needed to keep an eye on her progression.

Deeks only left her side when Hetty arrived. It was almost five in the morning and he didn't sleep at all. It was so hard to leave her like that, but it was probably for the best. If only he could trade places with her, he would do it without a second thought.

He knew he needed to get back to work, drive back to Arizona, which was the place his team was now that he was doing some field work. It was so hard and yet he found the strength he needed to leave the hospital behind.

…

Kensi woke up the next morning feeling the weight of the world on her body. She was awake now and because the pain killers were losing its effect, she was starting to feel the pain.

After the nurse took care of her, she saw Nell entering the room. "Good morning!"

"Hey, Nell."

"It's so good to see you're awake. I'm so relived."

"I know…it's good to see you too."

"Has Jack come in yet?"

"No…I was told he had his cellphone off when they tried to contact him last night, so…maybe he doesn't know yet that I'm not in coma anymore."

"Yeah, well…he wanted to sleep here next to you, but the hospital didn't let him. I'm sure he will be here soon."

"Yes, and that's why I need to talk to you now."

"What is it?"

"Well, it's just that I had the craziest dream last night." Kensi told.

"About what?" asked Nell, curious.

Kensi proceeded to tell her all about the beach dream. "It was so clear…like I was really in there living it."

"Do you have any idea what that means?"

"I don't know…But then the dream continues." She said. "Ok, then I couldn't breathe anymore and I was dying alone in that beach. Suddenly I start hearing a voice louder and louder in my head, like an echo. The next second I was pulled from that beach and I woke up in a hospital bed and he was next to me. He was right where you are now, next to my bed, holding my hand."

"Who?"

"Deeks. It was him all along."

"Really?"

"Yes, then I woke up and Hetty was right next to me, sitting on a chair and called the doctor. They said I'm fine now."

"Are you really sure it wasn't him in here for real?"

"No, that's not a possibility. We haven't spoken in months…why would he be here. And when I woke up Hetty didn't tell me anything and she was alone."

"Fascinating!"

"It was so scary. I really felt like I was dying…my body was dying. You know, like it was giving up from life."

"Maybe it was the pain killers' effect." Nell suggested. "Or maybe he was really here."

"No, Nell…I don't think so."

"Then you're obviously delusional…" She said with a smile. "Don't worry, Kens. Just focus on getting better now."

"Kensi…Kensi!" It was Jack entering the room. "Kensi, you're awake!"

"Jack."

"I'm so sorry, baby. I wasn't here for you when you woke up from your coma, but my phone was dead, it was out of battery."

"It's ok…"

"Well, guys...I'm gonna leave you two alone, ok?" Nell excused herself. "Be safe, Kensi. We'll talk a little more later."

"Sure"

"I was so scared of losing you." Jack told her. "I was so afraid that was about to have an anxiety attack. Luckily I took my medication right on time, so I was fine."

"Jack, I really need to rest…is that ok for you. I'm sure were so afraid of losing me and everything, but my head is still spinning from the pain killers and I really need to rest."

"Oh, ok." He was surprised by her total careless behaviour towards his condition. "I thought that you wanted to know that."

"I do…I really care about you and about what happens to you, but right now I need to rest."

"Sure…then, I'm just gonna go outside and talk to the doctor. See what he's got to say about your situation."

"Thank you" She said, smiling.

She spent the rest of the day looking for a meaning to her dream, as she thought about it over and over again. It was like Deeks was all over her life, he was always there haunting her moves…even in her sleep he was still there. And as all the memories came back at once she was sure that the truth was she missed him.

…

**Authors note:**

Hey guys,

First of all I want to express my joy over the news of Daniela's pregnancy. I was watching her interview live on TV and I had a mini heart attack, I almost fell off my seat and my heart was filled with joy for both her and David. I'm so happy for them.

Now about this chapter: well, I was inspired by the song Broken, by Seether feat Amy Lee. It's such a beautiful melancholic song.

How cute was for Deeks so show up to see Kensi? And what about that crazy dream? What do you think might be the meaning? And Kensi really thought that she dreamed that Deeks' appearance was part of her dream.

Thank you so much for your reviews, favourites and follows. They mean a lot to me. Please keep reviewing because it really inspires me to do better!

So, I know that the story is moving really fast now, but I'm going to tell you that the next chapter is set to happen in October. And you know what happens in October, right? : )

Love, Annie


	11. 11 - Out from under

**Out from under**

**October 2013**

Kensi and Nell entered the Bullpen laughing to find Callen and Sam eating lunch by their desks.

"No way. I'm not dressing like Spider Man for Halloween, Sam!"

"C'mon, G. It's just for fun."

"If it's so funny then why don't you do it?"

"That's not the point. The kids will love it on you. You know how much they love their uncle."

"Hey guys."

"Hi…how did things go at the bridal store?" Callen asked. The girls took the lunch break to go to the bridal store Kensi ordered her wedding gown.

"Very well. It was the last fitting before the wedding." Kensi answered.

"The dress fits like a glove and you look beautiful in it, Kens." Nell added.

"I still can't believe you're getting married tomorrow." Sam said.

"I know…I can't believe it either."

"And how are things with Jack?"

"We're fine now. He's very into the wedding stuff. Always talking about the location and the reception and how his family is going to enjoy it so much. And also he's been seeing a therapist more than a day a week and taking his meds. So…things are better. " Kensi sat by her own desk and saw Eric and Declan coming from OPS together and joining the rest of the group. "The thing is Jack has some family, not a large family, but still…he has somebody to be there for him. On the other hand, I don't have much family. I mean he planed this big wedding and I agreed to it, because that's what he wanted. I don't even have someone to walk me down the aisle. My dad's gone, I haven't seen my mother in years and you guys are really my family."

Eric started giggling and everyone stared at him. "What's so funny?" Nell asked.

"It's something Deeks said the other day about not having family and his dog being his family…oh it was such a funny joke the way he said it!" He replied.

Kensi felt her stomach drop. "What do you mean? Have you spoken to Deeks lately?"

All eyes were on him. Deeks was gone for ten months now and even though he was missed by everyone and especially by Kensi, his name was still taboo. "Hum…I have. I mean, I'm taking care of his dog so…"

"When?"

"I spoke with him yesterday. He passed by my house to see Monty and…"

"Yesterday? So he's in LA?" She found it hard to breathe. "How could you not tell me something like that?"

"I'm sorry, Kensi. I really didn't know if I should tell you. He arrived yesterday to LA."

"But he has been here before, right? He left ten months ago, but he's been coming to town, right?"

"He has, but I thought you knew. I'm really sorry…I didn't mean to hide it from you."

"Is he home now?"

"I'm not sure. He's staying for a short time."

"For how long?"

"I don't know…I really don't."

"But he's only staying for a short period of time, right?"

"I guess so…at least that's what he told me."

Kensi turned around and grabbed her purse. "Where are you going?" Callen yelled. "Calm down, Kens."

"I'm going to his house. I need to see him. I need to find out why."

"Why what?" he asked, but she was already gone.

"Why didn't he called, texted, returned any of her calls…why he simply disappeared." Nell answered.

…

Kensi was in front of his door step ready to knock on the door. She just needed a few seconds to take a deep breath and find the courage to meet him again. Her heart was racing, her palms were sweating and she could feel the butterflies on her stomach. Then finally she did it.

It seemed like years but lastly the door opened. It wasn't him. The most beautiful women answered the door. She was tall, brunette with piercing green eyes. Kensi noticed that she was wearing Deeks' sweatpants and one of his white t-shirts. "Hi!" she said.

"Oh hello." Kensi tried her best to hide her surprise. "I'm so sorry, but hum…I'm looking for Deeks. Is he at home?"

"Marty? Yes, he's at home. He's in the shower."

"In the shower?" She was so confused. Who was this girl and what was she doing at his house…with him in the shower.

"Do you need anything?"

"Hum…no, actually never mind."

"I can tell him you're here. I'm sure his almost finish. Do you want to come in?""

"No, Gosh, no. I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I'm so sorry again." Kensi excused herself and left.

She sat in her car crying hysterically for about ten minutes. How could she be so stupid to think he was waiting for her? Of course he was moving on with his life, of course he would find someone and of course that someone was going to be a hot piece of ass. Damn, she was beautiful.

…

Deeks heard the door bell ring, but couldn't imagine who it could possibly be. Nobody except for Eric and Hetty knew he was in LA and even they were working at that time. He was ready to step out off the shower, put on some nice clothes and finally, after months, meeting his ex-co workers again. Yes, he was going to OPS before leaving the city. He missed them all, but mostly he missed Kensi.

"Hey Meghan, who was at the door?" He asked the brunette.

"Just a woman asking for you."

"A woman?" He wondered who it could be.

"Yeah." She said entering his bedroom while he was putting a t-shirt on. "Tall, brunette with long hair."

"Did she say her name?"

"Nope! She actually told me to forget about it and left." Meghan saw his puzzled face and giving him a soft pat on the shoulder added. "You should probably do the same, Marty."

He was pretty convinced that the woman she was talking about was Kensi, but he was wrong for sure. No way Kensi made all the way to his house to talk to him, only to leave a few seconds later. "I can't believe we overslept this morning!" He mentioned, changing the subject.

"I know!" She replied. "And thank you so much for lending me these clothes. I can't believe I forgot to pack my pyjamas."

"It alright!" He said. "Well, maybe we should get ready."

"Yes, I know. I'm taking a quick shower and then we're leaving."

"I really want you to meet my former co-workers."

"Well, I'm dying to meet your ex-partner. You talk so much about her."

"Yes, I'm dying to see her too." He said right before she left to the bathroom. "I'm just not so sure that she's thrilled to see me."

…

Entering the building with a visitor's card felt weird to Deeks. He missed this place, the people in it, the rhythm and pace of how the work was done and most of all he missed Kensi.

Seeing all of his ex-co-workers was a little awkward at first, but felt like home after a few minutes. He introduced Meghan to them and they shared work related stories. But someone was missing and he had to ask what was going on. "Hum…where's Kensi?"

"Kensi…" Nell said "She heard you're here and decided to…"

"Avoid me." Deeks concluded. "I need to see her, Nell."

All eyes were on Nell right now. "Deeks, she's hurt…you disappeared and…"

"I know what I did and that's why I need to see her, talk to her, and explain things to her."

"Hum…alright!" Nell gave up. "She's at the shooting rage."

"Thanks." He said. "Hey, Meghan, can you please hang with the guys for a few minutes. I'll be right back."

"Sure." She said smiling.

…

Kensi felt a presence entering the room and prayed that it wouldn't be him. She decided to keep on shooting the fake target fearful of turning around. However, she ran out of bullets soon enough and it was time to face reality.

"So this is where you hide!" He said.

"Says the one who ran away."

"Touché!"

She faced him for the first time in months and took her ear protectors off. "Deeks, what are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too." He said in a sarcastic tone. "Kensi…I'm here because I've missed you."

"Don't do this…don't!"

"I'm sorry for what I did, but hum…"

"No. You can't come here and tell me you're sorry and expect everything to be ok again."

"But…"

"No. You're going to listen and let me finish. When you said you would be leaving the team I was hurt by it, but I understood your point. I tried my best not to be mad at you or have anger feelings towards you, because it was so damn hard to get off of bed in the morning, face life and walk through those doors every damn day knowing that my partner left me, that I couldn't count on him anymore. I thought that even though you wouldn't be here physically we could still be in touch…I tried to call you, text you, everything. You never replied…not once. And just this morning I learned that you were in town and that Eric was in touch with you every other week. However, you never even made a small effort to contact me. I never understood why. If you knew…damn it" She had tears in her eyes. "If you knew how much you hurt me, you wouldn't be standing here asking for forgiveness. You would be so ashamed, that…"

"I did what I did for you, for us."

"Hold on a moment. There is no us."

"There's a story between us, so there is 'us' and you have to face it. I did my best to forget you, to let you move on with your life. You were getting married, what was left for me to do? You wouldn't leave Jack and I couldn't do anything else to turn your mind around. I never replied or tried to contact you because I…" he stopped talking.

"WHY?" she said, almost shouting.

"Because I love you…I chose to let you go because of my love for you."

"Oh so you say you love me, right? Isn't it ironic?"

"What is?"

"You say you love me, but I saw you with her."

"With who?"

"You know who."

"You were at my place today, weren't you?"

"Yes, yes I was." She said, a little embarrassed by her confession. "And I saw the most beautiful woman wearing your clothes and like it was the most natural thing to answer the door of your house, she greeted me and said you were in the shower. So please, don't act like an idiot and pretend that I didn't see it."

"You're talking about Meghan, but you're seeing things in the wrong light."

"Right, because I don't know you, Deeks."

"I mean it…she's not my girlfriend, she's not my lover, she's just my partner."

Those words felt like a punch in Kensi's stomach. "Your partner?" She felt replaced.

"Yes, she's not from town and she's visiting her grandmother, who is at a nursing home. She asked if she could stay with me and I said yes, of course. She's my partner, but there's nothing else between the two of us."

"But she…"

"She was wearing my clothes because she forgot to pack her pyjamas." He said anticipating her thoughts. "I'm really sorry if I hurt you, Kens. I'm willing to make it up to you if you're able to forgive me…"

"I don't know, Deeks."

"I love you so much, Kensi. All this time I was away, I could not stop thinking about you. I dreamt about your smile, about your laugh, about the way we used to talk about the future… "

"But Deeks..."

"I know you're engaged and Eric told me you're getting married tomorrow." He slowly made his way to get closer to her. "But, I know deep in my heart that you still have some feelings for me. And I also know that this sounds insane, but please Kensi…don't give up on us now. There's still a chance to make things right. "

"Deeks…"

"We can have a beautiful life together. So forget about this wedding, forget about this job and about this city."

"You're insane!"

"I know I am. I'm in love! And this time I'm going to fight for you. We can start somewhere new…let's go to Paris. Let's forget about everything and just leave all the rest."

"You don't mean the things you're saying."

"I do, Kens, I do. Damn it, if I could I would take the next flight and leave with you. I can't bare the thought of you getting married to him."

"Deeks…don't!"

"The main reason why I'm here is to make you stop and think for a minute. Kensi, I'm proclaiming my love to you."

"You haven't spoken to me in months."

"And that's because I thought I could forget you, but I can't."

"But why now?"

"Because you're getting married tomorrow…and because the last time I saw you, you were in a coma."

"What?"

"Yes, I was at the hospital when you woke up…I didn't want you to know about that, but that's the truth."

"Are you serious?" She was shocked. "Then I wasn't dreaming when I saw you there next to my bed."

"No, no you weren't."

"Uau…"

"Kensi, look at me and say it: say you don't have feelings for me anymore; say that you love him; say that you're happy and willing to live with him for the rest of your life."

She couldn't say it as she was stuck in his deep blue eyes. They were so close: face to face; chest to chest; eye to eye. Her heart was beating so fast that it seemed that it was about to explode. And then she closed her eyes and felt his lips coming closer to hers and in that minute…they kissed.

…

Later that day, at home, she stepped out of the shower. With her hair wet and only a towel around her body, she looked at the engagement ring placed in her hand. Memories of the kisses she shared with Deeks filled her mind. They were so passionate, so romantic, filled with desire. She wished she could feel that way every day. But no…they said their goodbyes once again. It was too late to forget about the wedding and elope to Paris with Deeks. Damn it, that idea sounded so good right now.

She looked in the mirror and imagined what her life would have been…it was so hard not to cry.

And now, looking at her image and dreaming about all the things that never were, she feared that their goodbye would last forever.

…

**Authors note:**

Hello everyone,

Did you enjoy this chapter? I bet you had a little attack when you read about the woman at Deeks'place! Well, don't worry. She's just his new partner.

But now what do you think is going to happen, since the wedding is tomorrow and Kensi is feeling more confused than ever?

For this chapter I was inspired by the song Out from under, by Britney Spears. Does anybody know this beautiful song?

Also, thank you so much about your reviews and support. Keep posting them!

Well, soon enough you're going to read the wedding day chapter and I can tell you that something major is going to happen!

Love, Annie.


	12. 12 - Wide awake

**Wide Awake**

**October 2013 – Wedding day**

"Kens? Kensi, are you ok?"

"Hum, sorry! Yeah, I'm ok…I'm great!" She found herself staring blankly through the bedroom window. Downstairs, in the garden, people were starting to take their seats, violins played in the background and the walk she was about to take looked absolutely stunning, with white roses placed carefully on each side. The wedding was taking place at a beautiful venue in Ojai and everything looked wonderful. Everyone important was here. Everyone except one person.

Her wedding dress was an A-line, made of organza and lace on the corset. She usually liked to show off her curves and even considered wearing a mermaid style, but this was a family event and Jack liked the traditional style the most.

Suddenly she looked at the sky and saw huge dark clouds forming. "I can't believe it's going to rain on my wedding day!"

"I know…especially since the wedding is outside." Nell joined her by the window. "Let's just hope the rain can hold for the next hours."

"Yeah, let's hope so." She agreed.

"Well, if it gives you any comfort, Miss Blye, in some cultures rain on the wedding day means that the marriage is blessed."

"Oh, hello Hetty. Didn't hear you come in!" Kensi said.

"Oh but don't you look stunning!" She praised. "You're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen…and I've attended Princes and Sheikhs weddings."

"You're too kind."

"May I have a word with you, Miss Blye…in private?" Hetty requested.

"Of course, I was just leaving." Nell replied. "Just don't forget that you have to be ready in thirty minutes, Kens. We don't want to keep the groom waiting." She finished with a smile and left.

Hetty took a few steps from where she was standing and placed herself in front of Kensi, who sat on a small bench near the dressing table. Smiling softly Hetty took Kensi's hand and asked "Are you sure about this, my dear?"

"Of course I am, Hetty. I'm more than sure…I'm ready. You see, Jack and I have been together for so long, this seems to be the right step."

"And for how long have you been hanging on to that answer?" She replied. "I know my team too well. You can't lie to me, Miss Blye. I can see that you're nervous, maybe a little bit fearful about this and with right reason. A marriage is something very important that one does not simply commit lightly."

"I know…I know! And I'm sure about it. I'm ready, I'm committed. Jack has been my life partner for so long I can't really see myself living without him. I love him, I do…"

"Then why do I see sadness in your eyes?"

The question took Kensi by surprise. It felt like she was hit by a bus. "Sadness?"

"Yes, sadness. Now I know this last months have been tough for you, especially after Mr Deeks departure, but this is a joyful occasion…and I can tell that you're not happy. You look absolutely stunning, Miss Blye, but I can't see the so called bridal glow in you." Kensi was silent. "Please tell me what your true feelings are."

"Hetty…I don't know!" She was about to cry. "It's just that there's a lot going on: Jack wanted this huge wedding and I think it was just to prove everybody that he's fine now, that's he's not sick anymore, that his PSTD is in the past; then he invited he's whole family and friends and when I look at my side all I see is empty chairs, because the truth is I don't have much family left…I haven't spoken with my mother in years, I don't even know how to start a relationship with her after all this time or even if she wants to or even if I deserve to have one with her; then I see all my friends from outside work and they don't even know the real me…I lie to them about who I am, where I work, what I do for a living and that's hard; and on top of that…"her words were failing. "On top of it all my best friend, the person I love the most in this world, is not here. And I miss him…so much."

"Listen to yourself, my dear, you just said that the person you love the most in this world is not here!"

"What I meant was…" She was taken by surprise by her own words. "It's a different kind of love."

"It's the right kind of love."

"What do you mean?"

"When I decided that Mr Deeks was going to be your partner almost four years ago I did it for a reason. You see, I had in mind that you were suffering, that you went to work often sad, that you needed someone who could lift you up with a laugh. Marty was just the right person to the job and you completed each other. Now I'm not saying that Jack is wrong for you or even that he's not a good person. What I'm trying to say, Kensi, is that you fell in love. You fell in love with your partner. And love is not a feeling to be ashamed of. Actually is the most beautiful feeling one can have. You love Jack, of course you do, and you will always love him. You two have a history together and I'm sure it's a wonderful one, but people change and feelings change and life goes on. Listen to your heart and you'll hear the answer."

Kensi was about to cry, she felt tears forming in her eyes, but fought them the hardest she could not to ruin her make-up. "But it's my wedding day…"

"And I'm not saying you should not get married…I'm just here to make you face the facts. You're about to jump from a cliff and jumping is not particularly a bad thing…it takes courage and determination; it's a commitment after all. But remember that I'm here for you, Miss Blye, whether your decision is to safely jump with a parachute or free falling."

"So let's say that I decide to free fall." She wondered, knowing that that was a metaphor for her relationship with Deeks. "What could happen then?"

"I can't tell you that for I'm not certain about the future…but I can tell you something: Paris is always a good idea."

"Paris" Kensi sighed, remembering her conversation with Deeks the last time she saw him.

"Now it's time for me to leave you." Hetty said, making her way to the door. "Be strong, Miss Blye, and fearless like you always are. You look absolutely beautiful…" she said with a smile before she closed the door.

…

It was almost five o'clock in the afternoon, the time they settled for the wedding to start. The sun was setting down now and all the little white lights they put around the amenities of the venue were shining brighter.

Kensi kept thinking about the conversation she just had with Hetty and what should she do. She couldn't back off now; it was too late for that. But she felt her knees failing, her heart jumping, her mind spinning and it was time…

"All stand!" she heard the wedding minister say, followed by the nuptial march.

She chose to walk down the aisle by herself. It seemed like a good idea back then and a way to honour her late father, who should be the only person on her arm at that moment; but now, walking in front of all those people alone was scary. She didn't have anyone to grab her shaky hand, to help her not to trip on herself, to calm her down. Surrounded by so many people, she never felt more alone.

And then it hit her: she was getting married to Jack. He was standing there, at the altar, looking as handsome as he could be, smiling. However, her heart wasn't at peace, because for one second she looked at him and could only see Deeks. It was like he was haunting her wherever she looked; but it wasn't him at all.

She took a look at her team mates, all standing to see her coming. Callen, looking sharp in a new suit, sitting next to Sam, who was holding hands with Michelle; Eric was staring at Nell, who looked beautiful in her bridesmaid dress; and Declan, her new partner who turned out to be a great friend.

Hetty was sitting next to Callen, with a serious look on her face. 'Paris? How the hell does she know about Paris?' Kensi questioned before taking a look at Jack's family and just smiling at them.

She was almost there now, but she took her time. Her feet weren't moving any faster and not by her own request.

On the background the most beautiful mountains stood. It was the perfect scenery for a wedding and it was all Jack's idea, since he was the one to choose the location. 'How can I be so selfish and ruin everything now, turning into a run away bride?' she thought. 'Or maybe I'm being selfish by pretending I'm ready to take this step. But now…now it's too late.'

And it ended: the longest walk she had ever taken.

Jack whispered something like "You look stunning!" and then the minister continued. "Dear beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses to join Jack and Kensi in matrimony commended to be honourable among all; and therefore is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. Into this, these two persons present now come to be joined."

Kensi was absolutely terrified. Her heart was beating even harder than before, it was like she was about to collide into the ground. She could barely breathe. 'Paris is always a good idea', she kept hearing Hetty's voice on the back of her mind.

"Jack and Kensi, it's a blessing that you two found each other in this very complicated world. You two found a way to love each other, to care for each other, to support each other through every storm that life could bring. You see, love is the most powerful thing there is and the truth is…love can conquer all. It's always a pleasure to witness a young couple proclaiming their love and commitment in front of their friends and family. And with that said I truly hope that by taking this commitment you can hold on to the promise you're making here today in front of these witnesses and stay together for as long as you both shall live.

However, if any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together - let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Silence fell into the place; silence only to be broken by the first drops of rain falling on top of them. She looked up at the sky and the dark clouds were even darker than before and a storm was forming.

"I'm sorry." Kensi said. "I'm so sorry, Jack." There it was, the truth, and she couldn't contain it anymore. "I know that you don't deserve this, but I can't…I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry to let you down, but I'm not ready after all."

Jack was in shock. "What is going on, Kens?" he asked.

"You deserve so much more than I can give you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Those light drops of rain quickly turned into a waterfall and it was pouring rain now. Everyone was getting soaking wet. "I hope you can understand. I'm so sorry!" She said. Then, she turned around to face everybody. They were all in shock as well. Kensi didn't want to be there anymore; she was feeling too embarrassed and so like the little girl she used to be many years ago, she ran. Nell promptly made her way behind her, leaving every one behind in pure astonishment.

…

Kensi entered the bedroom and collapsed on the floor. She was all wet and her wedding gown was most likely ruined. Yet that was the last thing that mattered. "Nell…" she cried "Nell, help me…I need to get out of this dress. I need to take this off." She struggled, sitting on the floor involved in fabric.

"Calm down, Kens…"

"I can't breathe…I can't breathe."

"Calm down, Kens. Everything is ok now…I'm here for you." Nell said, sitting on the floor next to her. Holding her into an embrace, she felt Kensi's tears falling down her shoulder. "I got you!"

"How could I do this to him? I'm such a bad person. I'm so sorry." Kensi kept saying. She was having a panic attack. "I didn't mean to hurt him…"

"I know that; we all do."

"What was I thinking? I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry!" She was barely understandable.

Suddenly the door opened. "Kensi? Oh my gosh, are you ok?" It was Callen and Sam and when they found their friend in that state of complete chaos, they both kneeled next to her.

"I'm so sorry…I'm thought I was ready, I was committed, but wasn't at all. And then the minister kept talking about love and I could only think about…" she stopped.

"About what, Kens?"

"About the life I could have…without him." She finally said. "About Paris!"

"Paris?" They wondered.

"Look, Kensi, we're here for you. We've got your back and everything will be fine." Callen said.

"And what about Jack and the guests?"

"Michelle is doing some damage control. It's all right." Sam answered.

"I can't believe I just did this. I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be. You did what was right, Kens. If your heart was telling you not to get married, then you did the right thing." Sam reassured, pulling her in for a hug. "You deserve to be happy."

"Ahh" She moaned. "I need to get out of this dress…I can't breathe. I'm suffocating."

"I'll help you with it." Nell volunteered. However, before she could even stand up the door opened again with violence.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Jack yelled, in a rampage.

"Whoah…easy." Sam and Callen both stood up and placed themselves in front of him.

"How Kensi?" He continued, without noticing the men. "You left me at the altar, looking like a fool, in front of everybody I know, in front of my family. Why?"

"I'm so sorry, Jack."

"Sorry? Now you're sorry?" He was furious, she could tell. "If you didn't want to get married to me, then why did you let things go so far? You could've…you should've stop this before it went this far! Damn it, Kensi. After everything I've done for you, you do this to me!"

"After everything you've done for me?" Kensi stood up. "Are you kidding me? I was the one who was there for you all this time…I loved you, I took care of you when you couldn't even take care of yourself; I was there to hold your hand during your nightmares; remember when I couldn't even leave the house because you could have another meltdown? Damn it, Jack. Can't you see that I was the only one there for you when you didn't have anyone else? Everybody left you, Jack. I stayed behind to help you…and you?! You spent your days and nights by yourself: you didn't want to talk to me; touch me; do you remember that you didn't even want to make love to me? And then when I started hanging out more and more with Deeks you were jealous to the point you hit me and I had to hide it from everybody else because I loved you so much I couldn't even bare the thought of you doing something like that. But it happened again and again and again." This was brand new information to her team mates and they kept looking at each other thinking how they could have let this pass by unnoticed. "Now I'm not saying that it was all bad, because we had our good times as well, but…"

"But what? It's over because of him, isn't it?" Jack asked.

"But…people change and feelings change and life goes on." She quoted Hetty. "And I'm so sorry, Jack, I'm really sorry. But I can't do this anymore. I can't keep on lying to myself and the truth is I'm in love with somebody else."

"It's over then!"

"I guess so. I tried, God knows that I tried."

Jack heard that, turned his back and walked out the door.

…

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm better now, but everything is still a big mess, you know." Kensi was staying at Nell's for the next days to sort things out. It was night now and she spent the last few hours curled up in the couch, watching the rain fall. "Thank you so much for everything, Nell. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Oh, never mind. That's what friends are for, right?" Nell handed her a cup of tea. "C'mon, drink this…it will calm you down. And you should probably eat something too, because you haven't eaten anything since breakfast."

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry."

"Then how are you feeling?"

"I don't know. I'm having mixed feelings. I'm embarrassed, sad for this situation, angry at myself for putting Jack through this, disappointed at my own weakness. But at the same time I'm feeling stronger than I've ever felt, like I finally have control over my own life. Like I've awoken to life…like I'm finally wide awake."

"What made you change your mind about getting married, Kensi? It was so out of the blue; such a sudden decision. Everyone was in pure shock."

"I know…and I feel bad about that, but I had a conversation with Hetty right before the wedding and it made me think about what I really wanted. And then I started walking towards Jack, but I could only think about him."

"About Deeks?"

"Yeah." She confessed. "I guess Hetty made me see the truth."

"That you're in love with him?"

"Yes, I guess so. And trust me when I say this, but it feels so good to finally admit and say it out loud. Damn it, it took me so long to admit these feelings…it feels so good now. I don't have to pretend anymore. And even though it hurts, you know, going through all this, I feel like I can finally breathe."

"And what are you going to do?"

"I need to see Deeks, talk to him, explain him everything I'm feeling."

"Are you calling him?"

"No, I really want to see him and talk to him face to face."

"Oh Kensi, I just want you to be happy!" They were silent for a moment just enjoying the sound of the rain beating on the windows. "And what about your house?"

"Yeah, I still have to sort that out. I mean…I don't know if Jack is staying there since it's a rental, but even if he doesn't I don't think I would feel comfortable living in there after everything. So I guess I need to find a place to live."

"Well, you can stay here for as long as you want."

"Thanks, Nell. I really appreciate all that you and the boys are doing for me. You're truly the family I don't have."

"We've got your back!"

"Yeah, I know that." Kensi smiled at that statement. "I just want a fresh start."

"You're strong, Kens. I know you have the strength to fight for your happy ending."

"You know what, Nell?" She said with a deep sight. "This might sound stupid, but I feel like I'm born again." And that's a damn good feeling, she thought to herself.

"I'm so excited for you…it's very inspiring to see someone taking control over life."

"Yeah. By the way, Nell, can I borrow your car?"

"Right now?"

"Yes, if you don't mind."

"But why? Are going to find Deeks now?"

"I really need to."

"But there's a storm out there."

"I know, but my heart is telling me to go. I want to see him before he decides to leave again without trace."

"But right now? I mean its pouring rain and you might even have an accident or something."

"I'm not afraid, Nell. And besides don't you remember what the minister said?"

"What?"

"Love conquers all."

…

**Authors note:**

Hey guys,

What did you think about this chapter? Did it come close to your expectations?

I really hope so!

For this one I was inspired by the song Wide Awake, by Katy Perry. It's a great song that describes very well how Kensi is feeling about her situation.

Ok, so now Kensi is free and ready to talk to Deeks. How do you think things are going to end between them? Is Deeks going to accept her apologies after everything? Has he left town already, leaving Kensi behind? Is he giving up on love?

Well, you're going to have to wait and see. However if there's any suggestions then make sure to let me know. I'd love to know what your expectations are.

I want to thank you for all the reviews and support and I kindly ask you to keep posting them. They mean a lot to me.

Also, if you find any misspellings don't be afraid to correct them, because English in not my first language.

Alright, keep reading because I'm feeling that the next chapter is going to be an amazing one! : )

More updates soon…

Love, Annie.


	13. 13 - Collide

**Collide**

'What the hell am I still doing here?' he thought to himself, while taking another sip of his beer. 'I should pack my bag and leave for good. She's married now and there's nothing I can do about it.' He was a wreck, sitting alone on the couch of the leaving room he was listening to the sound of the rain. Suddenly all lights turned off as a thunder storm echoed louder and louder around his place.

And even though the darkness suited his state of mind, he got up to find some candles.

After that he sat again on the couch and grabbed his cellphone. There she was again, in pictures. 'This is it.' He thought. 'I'm deleting these and erasing her off of my life. There's no turning back, now. It's time to move on.' But as he was about to press the delete button there was a knock on the door.

He made his way to open, fearing who it could possibly be. He sure wasn't in the mood to see or talk to anybody.

He opened up the door and saw a dark figure. It was pouring rain outside and only a crazy person would leave his house in the middle of that storm. But then his eyes adjusted to the darkness and the surprise almost gave him a heart attack.

"Kensi? What are you…?"

"Deeks, just shut up…I need to say something and need to say it now: I love you. That's why I'm here. And now I can say it as much as want to, because honestly the words are flying out of my mouth…I love you."

"But what about the…?"

"The wedding? I didn't go through with it. I kept thinking about you, Deeks, because I love you. I've always loved you and I was being so stubborn about my feelings. But I'm sure now that this is how I feel."

"What?"

"Don't you get it? I love you…I'm in love with you. I thought that I wasn't, but you're the most important person in my life and I'm so in love with you. Deeks, I've missed you so much and I was angry at you…because you didn't fight for me. I'm not angry anymore…I love you."

"Kensi, I…" He didn't know what to say. "Please come in, you're socking wet."

"Yes, I know…but I was driving here in the middle of this crazy storm and my car ran out of gas just around the corner and I ran here. I was supposed to be flying to Mexico right now on my honeymoon, but I'm standing here at your doorstep because there wouldn't be any other place I would rather be right now."

Deeks stepped closer to her, taking her face in his hands and kissed her full on the lips. "I love you…I love you too." He said in between kisses.

"Forgive me; I was being so stubborn." Kensi begged. "I was being so stupid."

"It's ok, because now you're right here in my arms."

They were caught in an embrace that led into a long kiss. Then the desire spoke louder and Deeks guided Kensi inside his apartment. Clothes were coming off now. Deeks softly took Kensi's shirt off; then she helped him do the same with his.

She hugged her legs around his waist as he made his way to the leaving room. And without breaking their kiss, they fell on the couch with Kensi on top.

She kissed his bare torso and with her hands she unzipped his jeans. Then she changed her position, allowing him to help her take her own jeans off.

They were now just in their underwear. Simple pieces of fabric separated them from the ultimate taste of heaven.

They looked into each others eyes in silence. The lights were still off and the only thing lighting up the room were a few candles. Then Deeks got from under her and placed a blanket on the floor. She layed next to him on the leaving room floor; and he proceeded to kiss her over and over again as they touched each other in an erotic way.

Kensi felt his hands on her and desired to feel him closer and so she took off her bra, leaving her breasts to his touch.

And when the only pieces of clothing that separated them were taken off, the desire they were feeling was set free. They made love that night like they had never been loved before. Like it was the first time they met that feeling. Like their bodies collided into one.

When they reached heaven together, Deeks placed himself next to Kensi. They both just smiled. "I can't believe you're really here."

...

Morning came around as the first rays of light placed in the sky and brightened up the room.

Deeks felt his body screaming for comfort as he woke up on the floor. He looked at his right side and saw a beautiful brunette sleeping next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He couldn't resist his impulse and kissed her neck, making her turn and open her eyes.

"Good morning, princess."

"Good morning!"

"I almost thought it was all a dream…but you're really here."

"I am…and I couldn't be happier." She kissed his lips softly.

"And how are you feeling after everything?"

"Very, very good!"

"Aren't you scared about starting over?"

"No, I'm actually more excited than scared."

"And what are you going to do now?"

"Now? Well, now I'm just gonna enjoy your company, but later I'm gonna have to face the world. I still need to go over my place and take my things out; I hope Jack isn't too angry at me; and I definitely need to talk to Hetty. "

"I'm going to be there for you. You don't have to worry about anything, because you're not going to be alone."

"Thanks!" she said, laying her head on his chest. "I'm so happy right now. I can't believe I'm having a fresh start."

"I can't believe I'm going to be a part of that fresh start."

"Nell said I can stay with her for now, but I need to find a place to live."

"You can stay here if you want to."

"I know, Deeks, and I really appreciate your offer. However, I want to live by myself for a while to figure out who I am and what I want without a man. I've lived with one for so long I just need to find myself…you know?"

"I understand."

"And you?"

"Well, I still need to take my final months of training. I've been doing some field work with the team and I like working with them, but I want to come back. I just hope Hetty allows me to."

"Do you think we'll ever be partners again?"

"I don't know. The rules say that you can't date your partner. Maybe Hetty won't let us be partners again."

"Well, just the fact that we might be working in the same team gives me comfort." She confessed.

"Me too!" he agreed.

"But hey…" she said. "You still owe me a trip to Paris!"

He laughed at that statement. "I know! I'll take to Paris. Actually, I'll take you to the moon and back." He said, kissing her neck.

They made love again and again. They needed to make up for the lost time.

…

Things eventually fell into place: Kensi found a new home to live in and enjoyed filling it with new happier memories; Deeks completed his training and moved back to Los Angeles. However, they were not allowed to be partners again, but they worked on the same team; Kensi never heard from Jack again, but it was for the best that way; she never felt happier that right now and everything was well.

…

It was January 8th, Deeks' birthday and they were in their hotel room facing the Eifel Tower, surrounded by candles and a fire place. It was so cosy and romantic in there that they didn't even left to celebrate his birthday diner outside. Snow was falling on the streets and Paris was picture perfect from their balcony view.

Laying in bed, eating strawberries and drinking champagne, the world was a perfect place.

…

**Authors note:**

Hey guys,

Sorry for the short chapter, but I'm back to college and I don't have to much time to work on the story. I'm so sorry!

Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter. Let me know what I thought of it!

For this one I was inspired by the song Collide, by Howie Day. It's one of my favourite songs.

I want to thank you so much for all your reviews. I get so happy when you tell me enjoyed the chapters.

I really want to say I'm sorry for any misspellings you might find. I was actually reading some chapters and I found a mistake. I wrote 'bare' when I was supposed to write 'bear' (for example: I can't bear). I'm so sorry. In time I'll correct them.

Finally, I'm letting you know that the next chapter is probably going to be the last one. It takes place two years from now and something really good is happening. I think you're all going to like it.

Alright, keep reading and reviewing.

Love, Annie.


	14. 14 - Cool

**Cool**

**Two years later **

Kensi woke up from her sleep and realized that Deeks wasn't in bed with her. Looking for a sign of him, she found a small note on his pillow saying 'Good morning, my love. Gone surfing. I'll be back later.'

She got up and called the hotel services for some breakfast. Then she went to the balcony and tried to find him on the water. What was she expecting him to do? They were in Hawaii anyway. Of course he would be surfing in the morning.

When food arrived she kept thinking about this amazing weekend. Yes, it was about time to tell him the news, but she wanted to wait for the perfect occasion. This news were way too important to tell them in a random way.

Deciding what to do next, she put on her bikini and a flowing dress, leaving for the beach. She considered knocking on Nell's room, but quickly dismissed that idea. It was the day before her wedding and probably her friend had lots of things to do.

Eventually she decided to take a walk by herself.

Life was very good right now. Deeks and her were together, they moved in last year and they were about to start a new exciting chapter of their lives. However, she still needed to tell him the news. She couldn't wait for him to know the truth behind her sudden change of mood.

Walking on the beach was amazing. The waves were kind of big though and she feared for Deeks. She loved him way to much to lose him; she would never risk losing him again. But she trusted his judgement and surfing was a part of his life. Thinking of it, she never really cared about him surfing. She surfed with him from time to time. Maybe it was her protective instinct at its best.

She saw some kids learning how to surf and wondered if their kid would be a good surfer or even a surfer at all. But knowing her boyfriend the way she did, there was no doubt in her mind that that kid was going to have the best teacher in the world.

Suddenly she saw a familiar figure ten steps from where she was standing. 'No, it can't be.' But the tall man in front of her looked just like…

"Jack?"

He turned around to face her. It was like he just had seen a ghost. "Kensi?"

"Hi. I can't believe it's really you." She said.

"I know. It's been a long time since we've spoken."

"Uau. I never thought we'd meet again. But here you are!"

"Yeah, I know. Life is full of surprises"

"And how are you?" she asked curiously.

"I'm good…I've been really good." He replied, with a smile on his face. "After our break up I moved here, to Maui. It gave me time to think and to get some balance. I really needed to focus on getting better, since was falling down to my old habits. But things are great now. I live here, own a house near the beach, I started surfing and doing some other water related sports. I'm feeling healthy."

"I'm so happy to hear that."

"And what about you?"

"I still live in Los Angeles and work with the team. Actually I'm here in Hawaii for Nell and Eric's wedding tomorrow. They finally worked things out!"

"Good for them!" He said. "And what about Deeks. Did you guys work things out?"

"Hum, yes…we've been together for two years. He moved back to Los Angeles after his training was over. We're happy and ready to start a family now." She answered awkwardly. "Look, Jack. I'm so sorry about what happened. I know that things shouldn't have ended like that and I also know that I should have been more honest with you. But please don't you think for a moment that I didn't love you, because I did. I loved you."

"I know. It's unfortunate how things ended between us, but I don't have any hard feelings towards you. What's in the past is in the past." He said. "I finally found some peace and I actually found love again."

"Really?"

"Yes, do you see that blonde girl over there giving those kids a surf lesson?" He pointed.

Kensi looked at the beautiful blonde teaching some kids how to stand on top of a surf board in the sand. "Yeah…"

"Well, that's Jessica, my girlfriend."

"She's beautiful. I'm so glad for you."

"Yeah, she's really something. And before you wonder…no, I haven't touched any alcohol again. I'm clean, sober and in love!"

"Good."

"Look, Kensi, forgive me for all the things I've done to you over the years, every bad word, everytime I hit you, everytime you didn't feel loved. I'm sorry. I wasn't in my best shape, but that never excuses what happened."

"It's ok. Like you said - what's in the past, it's in the past!"

"So we're cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool!"

They hugged each other before Kensi left. It was over now; they were both happy with someone else and in peace with their past.

…

Kensi met Deeks in their hotel room an hour later.

"Where have you been?"

"I was just taking a walk while you surfed."

"Oh ok…I was waiting for you."

"Why?"

"Because I need you to come with me."

Deeks grabbed Kensi's hand and against her protests he didn't say where they were going.

Finally they arrived at the top of a cliff, surrounded by palm trees, facing the ocean.

The sky was blue; the sun was shining and the weather was perfect.

Deeks placed himself in front of her and took her hands on his.

"Kensi, you're the love of my life. The most beautiful woman I've ever met, both inside and out. You're so amazing and each day you remind me again and again why I fell in love with you in the first place. I couldn't live without you, because you're my everything, my soul mate. I couldn't imagine being with someone else that is as good as you are. You fill me with joy everyday and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know that you're the one for me; we complete each other in every way. And my promise to you is to make you happy everyday…forever. I know that you'll be a great mother to our children and I can't picture somebody else to be in that role. You're my princess, my love and life. And so I ask you – Will you marry me?"

Kensi smiled, with tears in her eyes. "Yes…I will. Yes!" She fell in his arms and they kissed. Deeks grabbed a little blue box he had on his pocket; then he took her hand and placed a beautiful diamond ring on her finger.

"I hope you like it!"

"It's beautiful!" She looked at the ring on her hand and appreciated how well it fitted.

"I'm so happy. You make me so happy every day."

"I love you!"

"I love you too, but look, Marty; there is something you should know."

"What is it?"

"I'm so glad you said I'm going to be a great mother."

"I know you will…even though you say you don't know how to act around kids. I just know I couldn't have a better woman by my side."

"Right…but there's something I really need to tell you!"

"Ok. You're making me nervous the way you're speaking."

"Marty Deeks, you're about to become a dad." She looked at his confused expression. "I'm pregnant!"

Deeks couldn't believe his hears and when the news hit him, he hugged Kensi, taking her off the ground and spinning her around. "Kensi…you just made me the happiest man on earth twice today. I love you!" He said, kissing her. Then he kneeled and placed both hands on her stomach. "And I already love you!"

…

**Authors note:**

Hi,

What are your thoughts on this chapter? I hope you liked it.

Two years later, both Kensi and Jack moved on. And no, Jack is not coming back to haunt Kensi like a psycho. I'm sorry to disappoint you if that's what you wanted.

For this chapter I was inspired by the song Cool, by Gwen Stefani. It's a song about two people who fell out of love but are cool with each other and with what happened in the past.

I'll be posting the next and final chapter soon.

Love, Annie.


	15. 15 - Love on top

**Love on top**

Kensi was sitting on the couch of the living room of their new house. They decided to move before the baby was born to a bigger place, since the apartment they were living in only had two small bedrooms. Monty was by her feet taking a nap.

She had the album from their wedding in her lap, looking at the pictures she was amazed by how good her body used to look, even at four months pregnant.

They got married in a beautiful Malibu beach, with just their close friends as witnesses; she was wearing a beautiful white gown and Deeks was wearing a simple white linen suit. Everything was amazing and the team couldn't be more thrilled about the arrival of the new baby.

But now she was feeling miserable. Her back was hurting and her feet were killing her and there was not much else to do but to wait for the signs of labour.

She liked her baby bump, she enjoyed showing it off. But being nine months along in her pregnancy, she couldn't wait to deliver the baby and get back into shape.

Of course Deeks reinsured her that she looked beautiful everyday; that she was the sexiest pregnant woman on earth; that he loved her and the baby. But she was feeling exhausted from the sleepless nights of not being able to find a position in bed and tired of staying at home. She couldn't work and was put to desk duty as soon as Hetty decided that it was too dangerous for her to go on the field, but for the last couple months she stayed at home and was about to have a nervous breakdown from boredom. It was in her nature to be an active person and even though she kept doing her daily walks and practicing some yoga, she really wanted to meet her precious bundle of joy and get back to work.

"See, Monty, how hot I used to be?" She talked to the dog. "I'm going to have to work hard to get that body back. Despite everything my dear husband says I know I look like a freaking whale!" Monty obviously didn't wake up from his nap. "Well, as long as she's healthy everything is fine!"

They were having a girl and Kensi just hoped that they could have a better relationship than the one her mother and her had. She knew this girl wouldn't be the typical girly girl: she was going to be adventurous and fearless…or at least she prayed, because that was all Kensi learned to be. She used to have an amazing relationship with her father and he taught her everything and so she kept dreaming about the things that she and Deeks would teach their little girl.

It was almost four in the afternoon, which meant that Deeks would be home in about an hour and a half. At least if the case they were working on wasn't complicated. If not he would only be home for diner.

She wanted him to be with her, but she also knew that he needed to work now to be able to stay at home when the baby was born.

He was going to be the best father in the world, she could tell. He was already the best husband, lover, friend in the world; now he was going to be able to start over and become the father he never had.

He used to be afraid of it: of not being able to be a good role model, since he never had one; but looking at him and to how he used to get along with kids, there was not a doubt in her mind that he was going to be an amazing father and a great role model.

The only thing she feared was the fact that she might get way too stressed over work. The job that they had put themselves in dangerous situations everyday; they worked in the same team, which meant that they would be in touch when bad things were about to happen. She feared she wouldn't be as good as a professional, because the father of her daughter was in danger and the fear of their little girl losing both parents would make her be more careful, putting her in a situation where she might lose the moment to act.

Well, she needed to put her mind to ease, otherwise it would be hard to get back to work.

She got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to grab another package of Oreos. If she used to be hungry all the time before, now she was twice as hungry. And no one would dare step in front of a hungry pregnant Kensi.

But as she was about to reach for the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet, she felt a little pain in her stomach. "Oh baby girl, stop kicking mommy!" she said, thinking it could be the baby moving.

When she grabbed the cookies and headed for the couch again she felt another kick. It was much stronger than the one before. "Would you please just stop, princess? I know you're cute and everything when you do that, but mommy's in pain already." She said caressing her belly.

She sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Five minutes later there it was again, but this time it wasn't the baby kicking, she could tell the difference. "Monty…" she said to the dog. "I think I'm having some contractions!"

The dog lifted up his head now paying attention to her moves.

She got up to get to her phone, which was placed on top of the kitchen counter, but she didn't take six steps before feeling something coming out of her. She quickly realized what was happening and rushed to call her husband.

The phone was ringing but it took him sometime to answer. Then finally the sound of his voice appeared from the other side of the line. "Hello?"

"Deeks?" she whispered as contractions were getting stronger.

"Kensi? Is everything ok?"

"Oh my Gosh…Marty, I think my water just broke and…and I'm in labour."

"What? Right now?"

"Yes, right now. Can you please hurry and take me to the hospital?"

"Sure, I'll be there in twenty minutes. Just remember what we practised and breathe."

"Ok, I'll try but it's starting to hurt badly."

"I'm so sorry, Kens. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Alright, just be careful driving home, ok?"

"Ok. I love you."

"I love you too!"

...

Kensi headed off to the little girl's room to grab the hospital bag that was already packed with Monty following her. "This is it, Monty. I'm about to become a mom…it's time!"

Then she went to her bedroom to grab clothes for herself and put them on a bag as well. She was wet and decided to change her pants, but the contractions were coming at a steady pace and she tried everything she could remember to stay calm and breathe.

Soon enough she heard the front door opening. "Kens?"

"In the bedroom."

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm ok. But these contractions are very uncomfortable."

"We need to go to the hospital!" He said, grabbing everything and helping her walk.

…

When she arrived at the hospital, the contractions increased in strength. She was quickly transferred to a room and waited for her dilation to be completed.

Words could not describe what she was feeling: a mix of joy, panic, fear and happiness. There was no time to wonder if she was prepared or not to be a mother; there was no turning back; their baby was going to have so much love around her; she was going to be spoiled by everyone in the team.

Laying in the hospital bed after taking the epidural, the pain was eased and she could hear the sound of babies crying down the hall.

"Marty, do you realize that in a few hours one of those cries is going to be from our baby?"

"Yeah, I know. I can't wait to meet her!"

"Me too."

"By the way I rushed to get home, but before I left OPS the guys send you their prayers."

"They're so sweet."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better now; it's still uncomfortable, but it's gonna be worth it!"

"Yeah!"

"Look, I was thinking about my mother today."

"Really?"

"Yes, we're having a girl and I want to be a great mother to our child. I wasn't the best daughter in the world for my mother and somehow I can put myself in her shoes now. Maybe it's time to make things right."

"You're going to look for your mother?"

"I think so. It's been so many years that I really think now is the right time to get back the relationship we lost."

"I think you're right."

"Mrs Deeks, how are you feeling?" a nurse that just entered the room asked.

"I'm feeling good. Do you think it will take much longer?"

"Well, let's see." The nurse checked out Kensi's progress. "No" She said "You already have the dilation needed to deliver the baby."

"So…?"

"So I'm taking you to the delivery room, because this girl is ready to come out"

…

The delivery went well and now again in the privacy of the hospital room, holding their baby in her arms, Kensi couldn't be happier.

"She's so gorgeous!" Deeks said, looking at the newborn and feeling completely in love. "She takes over you!"

"Well, thank you…but she has blonde hair!"

"And your dark brown eyes."

"I honestly don't care how she looks; I just know that's she's beautiful and healthy. She's perfect."

"I agree."

"What do you think we should call her?"

"We've talked about this before. We actually liked a few names."

"Looking at her now and I think I like one better!"

"Which one?"

"Sienna."

"Sienna? I like it." He replied, caressing the babie's head. "Sienna Marie."

"Sienna Marie Blye Deeks."

"Hi, baby Sienna. Welcome to the world. I promise you that you won't have to worry one day of your life, because mommy and daddy are here for you…and will always be! You are already so much loved; Not only by us but by all your aunts and uncles. And as I promised your mother some time ago, I promise you too that I'll do my best to make you happy everyday. You and your mom are my number one priority, my life and everything I have in this word. I will never let you down…ever. And that's a promise I intend to keep." Deeks turned to Kensi and kissed her on the lips. "And you, my love, are the only one I love, the only one I need and you just gave the best gift a man could ask for: the gift of life."

"And this is just the beginning of the adventure." Kensi said, with a smile.

**The end**

…

**Authors note: **

Hi guys,

So the final chapter finally arrived.

I'm so grateful for everyone that read this story, everyone who followed and favourite it and everyone who reviewed. I enjoyed written it so much, I just hope you guys enjoyed it reading it as well.

Deeks and Kensi had their happy ending. And who doesn't love happy endings?! Even Jack had one!

Well, for this chapter I was inspired by the song Love on top, by Beyoncé. It's a lovely happy song about love.

And what did you think about the baby's name, Sienna? I actually love it, because I find it to be different and somehow exotic, like Kensi.

Anyway, I just have to tell you all that it was a pleasure writing this and to promise you that when I get more free time, I'll invest in a new story. Unfortunately because of college I won't be able to write for a few months.

Again, thank you for everything and forgive me if I disappointed you in any way.

Love, Annie.


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